The Widow’s List  1 Tim 5:1-16
Leadership pt.16   Tape 210a       10-12-2003

Last week we found that the Widows’ List in v.9 was a list of godly women who had some ministry in the church that required that they remain single for life.  And since it was some kind of official position in the church, even though we don’t know what the specific ministry was, we do gain from this passage a template for discerning whether a woman is qualified for an official position in the church.  From what we can tell, it seems to me that any older widows who serve as deaconesses at Creekside would be fulfilling the function of the widow’s list.  And for that reason we want to use these standards in evaluating deaconesses. 

Age
Over 60

The purpose of that, as we will see in vv.11ff, was to get women who were old enough that, in that culture, they would be very unlikely to want to remarry.  This list required a woman to never remarry.  That’s not a requirement of a deaconess, but it was for the list of widows.  There must have been something about that particular ministry that required those women to be single, and to vow to remain single for life.  That’s not to say there is anything wrong with remarrying if your husband dies.  In fact, Paul instructs young widows to do just that.  So the widows had to be over 60 to get on the list, because the list required that they never remarry.  And since we don’t have a ministry that requires lifetime singleness, the over 60 requirement doesn’t apply directly to us.  But like everything in Scripture, it is instructive to us.  

For one thing, it shows us that it’s possible to be disqualified from something just because you are too young. The folly of youth is a liability in many ways.  When I was in my 20s, I looked back at the way I was in my teens and was embarrassed.  Now I look back at some of the things I said and did when I was in my 20s, and I can’t believe I was so immature.  Ten years from now I’ll probably listen to the tape of this very sermon and say, “What on earth was I thinking?”  There is a certain foolishness of youth that you just can’t even see until after you grow out of it.  So older people should be aware that they have something we need.  Don’t bail out on the church just because you hit retirement.

Tracy and I got a call the other day from a couple that recently retired, and their entire life is now recreation.  What a waste.  Moses was 40 when he began to make his effort to become a leader of the Jews.  If I would have had to wait until age 40 to begin my ministry, it would have seemed like an eternity.  But even at 40 Moses wasn’t ready.  So God said, “How about just tending sheep in the desert for another 40 years?”  So when God finally called him to begin lead the Jews he was 80.  And he had a lot of excuses for why he couldn’t do it, but age wasn’t one of them.  And this wasn’t during the time when people lived to such long lives.  In Moses’ day, and 80-year-old was an old man.  And that’s when he began a ministry that would take another 40 years.

The apostle Paul wasn’t even converted until after he had had a significant career as an unbelieving Pharisee.  John Wesley traveled on horseback or on foot 250,000 miles to preach.  He preached to 40,000 sermons, produced 400 books and knew 10 languages.  At age 83 he became annoyed because he couldn’t read for any more and then 15 hours in a day without hurting his eyes.  At 86 he was ashamed that he couldn’t preach more than twice in a day.  And he said since his 86th birthday he had to admit there was an increasing tendency to lie in bed until 5:30 AM.  

I realize most of us are not going to do what Moses or Paul or Wesley did.  But we can have the attitude they had.  The biblical attitude is not to hit 65 and pack up and go to Palm Springs and spend the rest of your life seeking leisure and recreation.  What a shame to accumulate 6 decades worth of wisdom and then squander it and waste the last 20 years of your life.  Even in the first century, when life expectancy was much, much less than what it is today – if you were in your early 60s, you would barely be old enough to even be on the list.  You would be the youngest one in the group.  You have so much to offer. So even if the over 60 requirements doesn’t apply for Deaconesses, it’s still instructive to us.  

Now let’s look at the character qualifications (there are only 2):

Faithfulness

9 has been faithful to her husband

The literal phrase here is that she must be a one-man woman.  It’s exactly the same construction as we saw for the elders – the elder must be a one-woman man.  And the NIV hits the nail right on the head.  It’s not talking about multiple marriages or multiple spouses.  We know it’s not forbidding a woman to be married more than once.  If that were a disqualification why would Paul command the younger widows to remarry a few verses later?  It’s not about marital status – it’s talking about character.   It’s about faithfulness.  When she was married she was not known as a flirt.  She was very faithful to her husband.  That was clear to everyone.  It was absolutely obvious to anyone around that she was interested in one man.  I suppose this is hardest for women whose husbands are not spiritual leaders.  In your zeal for the Lord you can find your self being drawn to another man who is a spiritual leader.  But that is misguided zeal.  It’s fine to learn from whomever you can, but it must be crystal clear that your heart is devoted solely to your husband.  That’s the first requirement.  

The second is in v.10

10 and is well known for her good deeds

The only two requirements he lists for this group of widows is faithfulness to her husband and being well known for her good deeds.  The word translated well known is an interesting term.  It’s a passive verb that means to be testified about.  People are walking around giving testimony about her good deeds.  You don’t have to conduct an investigation to figure out something she has done good.  Anyone who is around her can vouch for the fact that she is constantly doing good things.

This calls to mind Tabitha in Acts 9.  When she died, All the widows stood around him, crying and showing him the robes and other clothing that (Tabitha) had made while she was still with them.  (Acts 9:39)

Some people who seek leadership have the idea, “Once I get ordained, then I’ll get my act together and really start cranking out the good works.  I’ll do better in this area, and this area…”  In order to be qualified you have to already have the reputation.

There are some people who are so afraid of legalism that they will say you shouldn’t even make any effort to do good works – instead just let go and let God.  And to read their literature you would think “good works” is a dirty word.  But Scripture always speaks highly of good works.  And if a woman is not well known for her good works, she’s disqualified.  

Now, Paul realizes that the term, “good works” is a little on the general side.  So he goes on to give some examples of what he means by good works.

He gives 4 examples.
Example #1:

10 such as bringing up children

This only applies, obviously, to women who are mothers.  He doesn’t put a footnote in here about single women or barren women, because he is just speaking generally here.  God’s plan for most women is for them to be mothers, and to bring up children.  Other passages of Scripture talk about singles.  But here the focus is on married women.  And the primary good work a woman can do is to bear and bring up children.

Scripture also places a significant weight of responsibility on the shoulders of the father when it comes to child rearing.  But the impact of the father is nothing like the impact of the mother – especially in those early years.  The father is at work all day while the mother is home teaching and training and giving discipline and shaping that little one’s heart hour after all-day everyday.  Sometimes women become frustrated with the task of raising young children.  Satan tells them, “You could be doing so much more with your life if you weren’t bogged down with these children.”  But in God’s eyes, when He makes a list of good deeds, number one on the list is raising children.

I told you last week that it’s between you and your husband and God how much time you might hire people to watch your kids.  It has been my observation that children need their mother throughout the day in their preschool years.   The biblical mandate is to teach our children godliness and wisdom, and in my opinion, especially in the early years, that has to be done throughout the day.  Very young children do not learn much from having something explained to them or through formal teaching at a family devotions or something.  God has designed them to learn through play.  Basically the way to teach a very young child is to let that child play all day, and then correct him at each point where he needs correction.  

One thing you learn as a parent is that it is very difficult to manufacture "teachable moments" with kids.  You can tell a kid a million times to be respectful, but he doesn’t learn to do that until one time when he speaks disrespectfully to someone and is immediately corrected.  Just like you need me to give you examples when I preach a sermon, children need real life examples.  And you never know when those examples will pop up.  You can’t schedule them in the evening between 6 and 7.

The other day Josiah just got to wondering about the New Heavens and New Earth that God is going to create.  Out of the blue he had a flurry of questions, and got all excited about it.  I’m glad one of us was there when that came into his head.  Even the world has discovered the advantages children with stay at home moms have over day care kids socially and academically.  And spiritually it’s no less important.  I don't think it matters much if you vacuum your own carpet or if you hire someone else to do it.  But care for a child is different.  No one can care for your child like you.  No one loves him like you do.  No one is going to do for money what you won’t do for love.  God gave us such a powerful love for our children precisely because good parenting can't be done without that powerful love.  Even the most loving babysitter can't muster that for another child.  It's just a very different mentality.  

When your child is getting into something, a babysitter is mostly just thinking in terms of "It's my job to keep him out of trouble."  But as a mother, you are concerned with so much more.  You want to gain insight into what motivates him.  You want to let him experiment and learn some lessons by trial and error.  You want to watch him do things that will stick in your memory as a treasured memory for life (and you can never predict when they will happen).  You want to rejoice in his little joys with him.  You want to learn exactly how far you need to go in discipline so it does its job, but doesn't go too far and break his spirit (which requires a tremendous knowledge of him).  You want to discover how God wired him so you can help him discover his gifts and calling, and can encourage him when he becomes frustrated ("Did you know you are really good at...?").  You will gain insights into his personality and temperament that may make the difference during some big conflict when he is 17.  

An experienced mother could probably keep this list going indefinitely.  There are countless reasons why you need to be there.  To do all that requires time with the child.  There's just no substitute.  If a baby sitter watches him for 2 hours, you lose two hours of all that.  Is that a tradeoff that's worth what you get out of whatever else you are doing during those two hours?  Possibly.  I think every mother needs a break.  And a time of getting away can refresh you.  Plus whatever you are doing during those two hours can be especially profitable.  But the time with your child during those hours is lost nonetheless.  And the younger a child is, the more you miss out on in a short time.  

Example #2:  showing hospitality

This is not talking about entertaining friends.  It’s talking about welcoming strangers.  She must be known as a woman who has always been quick to welcome a stranger or newcomer into her circle of love and care.  She’s not a snob.  She’s not part of a clique that’s impossible to break into.  Those cliques are very common in churches, but she’s never in them.  She makes you feel at rest and at home and welcomed from the very first moment you meet her.  This is also a requirement for the elders.  In that day, being hospitable often meant taking strangers into your house.  When fellow Christians were traveling through, they would need a place to stay.  So for a man to say, “Come on over to my house” wouldn’t cost him much more than some food whatever time he spent with them while they were there.  But for the woman it meant a whole lot more work.

For a woman, being generous with her time and service often means not only being generous with it, but allowing her husband to be generous with it.  What a wonderful quality for a woman.  (But you men – be sensitive to that.  Don’t presume upon your wife.  Make sure you understand all the work your generosity costs her, and don’t take advantage of it or demand it.)  And whatever you do, don’t do what I did last week and wake her up at 6:30 in the morning to tell her that someone will be arriving in a few minutes.

Example #3:  washing the feet of the saints, 

How’s that for an offensive idea?      How’s that for an offensive idea?  A godly woman is known for doing things like washing feet.  
    Washing feet was not the role of a housewife.  That was the job of a slave.  And if there was no slave to do it, it would be the job of the host (or sometimes the wife would do it if she was a humble person), but it was never the wife’s role.  But a godly woman, just like a godly man, will tend to be like Jesus – no act of service is too menial or too low.  When she is around brothers and sisters in Christ, she serves them.  She is like Jesus, who came all the way from heaven just to serve and to give His life.  I told you that submission doesn’t mean serving, but that doesn’t mean you are not to be a servant.  Anyone who is a Christian is a servant.  And it’s interesting that instead of just saying, “She must serve,” he specifically mentions washing feet.  That’s a beautiful image, because on the one hand it’s very menial and humbling, but it’s also very personal – to touch someone’s feet.  She will come as close as she has to and stoop as low as necessary to meet a need.  

The thing that always strikes me about foot washing is the fact that a person could wash his own feet.  If you wash the feet of a quadriplegic, that’s one thing.  But to wash the feet of a healthy person – that’s really going out of your way to serve.  

And another reason that’s such a beautiful image is because it’s the very way women have tended to be abused throughout the ages.  Women have been forced by men into roles of subservience and servitude.  They have been demeaned and treated as sub-human, and little more than servants to fulfill a man’s needs without any concern for her dignity or personhood.  That has been the vile sin of the chauvinists throughout history, and that sin will bring the wrath of God on Judgment Day.  The day will come when God will demand an account from a lot of men – “How could you treat someone in My image that way?”  

Men who treat women that way, and look at them as servants need to repent.  Those men need to come to a knowledge of the truth and realize it should be their goal to be the servant.  So that’s a way that women have traditionally been mistreated – relegated to menial servitude.  So for her to voluntarily do that is really remarkable.  To be a servant is hard enough for a man.  But if you area woman and you have been mistreated and demeaned and walked on and abused in that way…  And still you are eager to serve – still you don’t hesitate to get down at someone’s feet and do the work of a slave – that is a Christlike heart. If you are willing to do that even though the people you are serving are likely to see you as lowly (rather than seeing it for what it really is – an equal voluntarily lowering herself to serve) – if you are willing to risk that kind of misinterpretation, that is the true Christ-like heart.

Do you have a servant’s heart?  Or do you resent serving?  Are you oblivious to the needs around you, so that you never do any serving unless you are asked?  Or do you have an eye for opportunities to serve?  Are you like Martha – busy serving but resentful about the fact that no one is helping?  Or do you see the service itself as a privilege?  What is the testimony going around about you?

Example #4:  helping those in trouble

This word for helping is the same word used twice in v.16, where it refers to financial help.  Women are generally equipped by God with great capacity for compassion, and a godly woman will never allow that to fade.  She will allow it to drive her to help those in trouble.  The thing about compassion is, it hurts.  Sometimes compassion for someone else can drain more out of you than just experiencing the trial yourself.  It can be exhausting.  And the temptation is to just wall in your heart so you aren’t exposed to people’s suffering.  But the godly woman will guard her heart from becoming callous.  She not only has compassion, but her compassion drives her to help those in trouble.

And then finally:  and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds. 

Those four examples are not comprehensive.  They are just illustrations.  She must be a woman who isn’t just kind in a few areas, but who is known for all different kinds of good deeds.  This is speaking about how to evaluate an elderly widow, but they are all in the past tense.  They look back to the time when she was a young woman.  So these things are instructive for young woman.

What a picture.  Who could disagree with the words of Thomas Oden: “The (widows on the list) will have relieved the afflicted, helping people in serious trouble, those living under conditions of oppression and persecution.  In this way she leaves behind her a trail of grateful, comforted people who have been helped in their suffering in distress.  Such are the women whose prayers and deeds are among the most important things happening in the Christian community.”

Don’t you want that to describe your life?  “She left behind a trail of grateful, comforted people.”  The ministry of women like that is indeed among the most important things happening in the Kingdom of God.

11 As for younger widows, do not put them on such a list. For when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry. 

You read that and right away think, “Wait a minute.  Why is it so wrong for her to want to remarry?  Remarriage is a good thing for a widow.  In fact Paul advises young widows to remarry in v.14.”  Evidently this ministry carried out by the women on the List of Widows involved making a vow to remain single for life so she could dedicate her full time to serving in the church.  So a young woman would lose her husband, and in the extreme emotions of the time she wouldn’t be able to imagine ever wanting to be remarried.  She might have such love for her dead husband, and be so crushed by the loss, that she has absolutely no desire to remarry and is just sure she never will.  Or maybe she was divorced or abandoned, and so is so hurt that she feels she never wants to get mixed up with a man ever again.  And so she makes a vow to never remarry.  That is a very serious thing.

This is very common.  I’ve known women who have gone through this who have told me emphatically that they would never remarry.  And in some cases within a year or two they are remarried. If all you do is make a statement that you don’t see yourself getting remarried, then change your mind, that’s no big deal.  But if you make a vow, it becomes a big deal.

The young widows in Ephesus would make a vow, but then their desires began to return to normal, and they began to long for companionship, intimacy, protection, provision, headship, physical fulfillment – all the reasons they wanted to get married the first time.  But now they can’t because of this vow.  And so as a result they actually begin to resent the one who is holding them to this vow - Christ. In some cases they don’t even realize it’s happening, but they are actually starting to resent Christ Himself.  

I think that’s the best way to understand the term used in this verse: katastraniasosin    (katastrhnia,swsin).  It’s a word that is only used this one time – it never appears anywhere else in the Bible or in any other Greek writing that we have found.  So it’s tough to figure out exactly what it means.  The NIV translates it with the phrase sensual desires overcome their dedication.   All that is their translation of that one word.  One reason it’s hard to translate is because of the construction.  It says “Don’t put younger widows on the list, because whenever katastrhnia,swsin against Christ, she will want to remarry.”  Whatever that word means exactly, we know it refers to some kind of sensual desire.  And Paul says it is not just a sensual desire, but specifically that it is against Christ.  Her life is painful and she feels empty and unfulfilled, and it seem like it’s His fault.  And that resentment turns to disobedience.  She decides to break her vow.  Breaking a vow to God is a very serious matter – especially for a widow.

Num 30 is the primary chapter in the Law about vows.
1 Moses said to the heads of the tribes of Israel: "This is what the LORD commands: 2 When a man makes a vow to the LORD or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said. 

You can’t just make a vow and then later take it back.  If you make a vow to God, you are bound to it (unless it would be sin to fulfill it).  But there are three exceptions to this.

3 "When a young woman still living in her father's house makes a vow to the LORD or obligates herself by a pledge 4 and her father hears about her vow or pledge but says nothing to her, then all her vows and every pledge by which she obligated herself will stand. 5 But if her father forbids her when he hears about it, none of her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand; the LORD will release her because her father has forbidden her. 

In God’s intended plan for the family, women are to be cared for by a man.  So until a young woman married, it was her father’s job to care for her.  And so the father is allowed to protect her from a rash vow.  As I told you before, God made women with superior abilities in the area of emotions, but one drawback of that is it’s easier for her emotions to get the best of her, and she can sometimes make a rash decision.  So the father can protect her from that.

vv.6-8 and 10-15 give that same privilege to her husband (whether she makes the vow before or after she gets married).  

He has to speak up immediately upon hearing about the vow.  If he waits, then he can’t release her from it.  But then take a look at v.9. 

9 "Any vow or obligation taken by a widow or divorced woman will be binding on her. 

A woman who has lost her husband has no man to help protect her from a rash vow.  God went out of His way in the Law to make it clear to widows that their vows are binding.  So for a young widow who has vowed to remain single, then desire builds and builds within her to the point of her resenting God…  And she is faced with either living in that misery or breaking her vow, at that point she only has two options: remain faithful to Christ or abandon her commitment to Him.  So the decision to remarry involves more than just a breaking of a vow.  It involves, in many cases, an abandoning of the faith.

12 Thus they bring judgment on themselves, because they have broken their first pledge. 

Literally it says they have rejected their first faith.  It’s the same word translated faith in v.8, where it talks about men who have denied the faith.  She turns her back on the faith so she can fulfill her desires.  The concept of judgment, in the context of rejecting the faith, most likely refers to ultimate condemnation and eternal death.  
And if that bothers you Calvinists, it shouldn’t, because that’s exactly how Calvin interpreted it.

Down in v.15 he says Some have in fact already turned away to follow Satan.

Most likely, in a situation like this, since she is turning her back on her commitment to Christ, the man she will marry will probably be an unbeliever.  If you are a young, single woman, you should be aware that it is very common for a young woman’s desire to marry to eclipse her commitment to Christ.  That’s why so many women in the church marry unbelievers.  The word “when” in v.11 is hotan (o[tan  “whenever”).  That word implies that this was happening fairly often, which would explain Paul’s strong language.  It’s like he’s saying, “This happens every time….”  I know exactly how he feels.  It is so heartbreaking to watch this happen to women over and over.  Be very careful. 

We recently had a young single woman in our church that recognized this danger, and recognized her tendency to rationalize when she became attracted to an unbeliever, and so she asked the church to help protect her.  I think that’s a good idea.  If you don’t have a wise, godly father who can and will do that for you, the leadership of this church is willing.  Maybe you should make a commitment not to get involved with a man unless we have examined him (we are getting pretty good at that in our leadership evaluation process).  Once you fall in love it is so easy to become disoriented and loose your objectivity.  It’s wise to have a safeguard.  At the very least listen to your godly friends.

13 Besides, they get into the habit of being idle 
Lit. they learn to become idlers.  

This doesn’t mean they were literally idle in the sense of just sitting still.  They didn’t have TV back then, and it’s unlikely they were just sitting there in a chair staring at the wall all day.  He goes on to say they were going to house to house.  They were out and about and busy, but they were idle in the sense that they weren’t accomplishing any ministry.  They were doing nothing of any importance. 

Most young people need to have some external pressure to keep them busy.  I found that in my own life.  When I first started in pastoral ministry, the people would leave on Sunday and for a week I was by myself in my office.  When you have no manager checking up on you, no one watching what you are doing, it can be very tempting to begin to become lazy.  You hit some aspect of your work that is difficult or unpleasant, or you are tired or don’t feel good, and it can be real tempting to just sit and play solitaire on the computer for an hour at a time.  Or even more subtly than that, you can keep busy with things that look like ministry, but in reality you are just putting off your real work and enjoying yourself.  

It takes a certain amount of maturity to get to the point where you can work hard all day every day with no accountability.  Most young women aren’t going to be able to do that.  Instead, look what was happening in Ephesus:

They were
going about from house to house.

They might have thought of them as ministry house calls, but in reality they were just hanging around with friends.  Maybe the reason this ministry required a vow of singleness was that the going from house to house might have been part of the ministry.  We can’t say for sure, but if that’s the case, you can see how this would be dangerous.  The last thing you want is for a young, single, unprotected woman who is dying to get married and being driven by her desires for a man, going from house to house and being exposed to various different husbands who may be dissatisfied with their marriage. 

And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips 

The word here isn’t really the word “gossip.”  It’s a word that literally refers to bubbles, and it means “one whose speech is empty.”  It’s not so much that they are gossiping (although that was doubtless a part of it), but that they were just chattering.  This is what happens when someone has too much time on her hands.  She just drops by and chatters on and on about nothing for three hours.  Nowadays she doesn’t even have to go from house to house.  She can just pick up the phone.  And instead of being diligent and working hard, she finds herself more and more just chattering on about nothing all the time.  It’s almost like she becomes like a baby again – needing someone to pay constant attention to her all day long.

and busybodies, 

This term refers to women who are just curious about matters that are really none of their business.  The whole world is their soap opera, and instead of serving and ministering, they just want to sit back and watch all the juicy details.

saying things they ought not to.

It doesn’t take much for that chatter to turn to gossip or complaining or all kinds of other sinful speech.  (If you are significantly involved in ministry at the church, and you are going from house to house, you inevitably become aware of some very interesting information about everyone.)  It’s also not uncommon for these women to get into theological error.  Empty speech is a term used to describe false teachers as well.  Without a husband who is a spiritual leader, a woman can be vulnerable to the false teachers who often prey on women.  This is enough of a danger for a married woman.

As I said last week, with the modern conveniences the housework doesn’t take as much time as it used to, and if a woman is an efficient worker, and she doesn’t have any ministry responsibilities, she can find herself with several hours of free time a day.  So all these things can be a problem for a married woman too.  But she at least has some kind of accountability to her husband.  The single woman has no accountability in the home.  When Paul says not to put the younger widows on the list, he uses a very strong term.  Literally: “The younger widows reject.”  It’s not worth risking all that.  Now, this is not to say that every single young woman is going to do these things. Keep in mind – the problem isn’t that she’s single.  The problem is the foolish vow to never remarry which ends up making her resentful toward God.

14 So I counsel younger widows to marry

Many people have suggested that Paul was kind of anti-marriage and allowed it only as a concession for the weak.  But this is not the language of concession.  He uses the word boulomai – I desire that younger widows marry.  He doesn’t say “I’ll allow it.”  He says, “I want it.”  

With the exception of those God has called to singleness for the time being, young women should marry (which means, obviously, that young men should also marry).  Many women have postponed marrying because they wanted to have freedom to do whatever they want while they are young, and later on find it difficult to find someone to marry and regret their decision not to get married younger.  And there are other young women who are more than willing to get married, but the godly young men aren’t cooperating.  And so those women end up reverting to men who are not spiritual leaders.  Maybe some of you men should start asking some of these women out so we can get this thing moving.  And that will result in the best kind of church growth.  Look at the next phrase:

I desire that younger widows marry, have children

God’s normal plan for a couple is to have children.  If He made you barren, then you know He has some special plan for you that doesn’t include baring children (although it may include adopting).  If you have chosen to make yourself barren, because of a health problem or some unusual circumstance, that’s not necessarily a rebellion against God’s plan.  However, if you do that, examine your reasoning very closely.  Most people do that because their priorities have become adjusted by the world.  

They want a lot of money.
They don’t want the responsibility of children.  
They want freedom for recreation.   
They assume God won’t provide for their needs if they have children.
Maybe they have bought in to the ridiculous overpopulation myth.

…or they simply don’t agree with God when He says children and fertility itself are a wonderful blessing and a precious gift.  If God says, “This is a good gift,” and we respond by taking measures to make sure we don’t get that gift, and we treat it like a disease…  -  we need to question why we don’t believe Him when He says it’s good.

to manage their homes 

This word literally means “to rule the home.”  In relationship to her husband she is a subordinate regarding authority.  But in relationship to the rest of the household, she is a ruler.  Within the bounds of the husband’s leadership, the woman is in charge of the home.  This word is a word about authority.  

Husbands, if you micromanage your home so much that there is no sense in which your wife is ruling the home – if she is never making any important decisions…  - then you are keeping her from her God-ordained role.  Any leader who does not delegate both responsibility and authority is a fool.  Some leaders want to only delegate responsibility and not authority.  They want you to take responsibility for things to operate well, but they don’t give you any power to make any changes or do the things necessary to make things operate well.  If you defer every decision to your wife, then you are just abdicating your role as leader.  But if you don’t give her any significant decision-making role, you are a poor leader.  The man is the head of the home, but in reality, especially when there are children in the home, the woman is going to be making far more decisions than the man – just because she’s there running the place all day.  Part of being a good spiritual leader for your wife is helping her become a good ruler of the home.  Don’t micromanage.  Don’t second guess every dime she spends.  And never undermine her authority over the kids.  Don’t ever let the kids begin to think that your word is law and mom’s word is optional.  If you see a child disobey or disrespect his mother, you discipline him with the same energy and severity as if he disobeys you.  

A house with children is a big operation.  It’s much more complex than many businesses.  And it requires good management.  And good management doesn’t come naturally to everyone.  That’s why the guy married to the Pr.31 woman is so well respected at the city gate.  His wife is such a good manager of the home, it reflects well on him and the whole family.  And more importantly, a well-managed home becomes a testimony to the world.

14 …and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. 

For the last five weeks we’ve seen quite a portrait, haven’t we?  

A number of you (both men and women) have commented to me about how you have been challenged and convicted in these messages.  That’s good, but that shouldn’t be our only reaction.  

What we have described over the last 5 weeks is a portrait of an amazing thing.  Imagine a woman who fulfills all those qualifications!  What a beautiful, lovely, powerful, life-changing, kingdom-changing experience it would be like to be around women like that!  What a contrast to what our world has come up with for the model of a successful woman (basically a female version of man).  The more women try to be like men, and men try to be like women, and the gender distinctions and roles are rubbed out, the more you lose the wonder and beauty of the image of God in mankind.  But when a man or women fulfills the design of the Creator, the result is something very wonderful.

I say all that to encourage you, because this is exactly the kind of women we already have as deaconesses at Creekside, and there are more on the way!  This isn’t a pipe dream.  It’s a reality, and will become more and more of a reality as time goes on.

And if you are a woman who is exemplary in these areas, I want to strongly urge you to go through the process to become a deaconess.  The young women in the church will follow someone’s example.  And if we take women like this and put them before the church officially as deaconesses, that will give the younger women an idea of where to look to find a godly example.