Divorce & Remarriage pt.4: 
“She Must Remain Unmarried”
Righteousness & Relationships  Part 10
1 Corinthians 7:1-11    6-6-10 

Summary: “Causes her to commit adultery” is rhetorical; it doesn’t mean the woman is guilty. Divorce and remarriage are permitted in the case of adultery. Separation is not permitted in marriage. Formerly married people can remain single if they can handle it; otherwise they should marry. The Christian must not divorce but if he/she does there are two options (for both the guilty and innocent parties): remain single or reconcile (that is, as long as the other one is still available. After that  free to marry someone else.) 
					
Introduction
Causes her to commit adultery
Remarriage for Adultery? Yes
Separation? No
No Celibacy in Marriage
Separation
Remain Single? Only for some
Who are the unmarried?
Divorce for the Christian? No
Same standard for men and women
Remarriage after a sinful divorce? No.
Two options
Why two options?
Not punishment
What if the spouse remarries? Then you are free to remarry
Remarriage to another does end the marriage
Step children
The innocent party – stay single
Conclusion
Announcements
Appendix
Who are the “unmarried”?
Widowers?
Bachelors?
All singles?
De-married

1 Corinthians 7:1-22 1 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. 2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. 8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. 

Introduction
We are taking a short break from our study through the Sermon on the Mount to give some more careful study to the subject of divorce and remarriage. The last three weeks I have tried to give you the biblical standard for divorce, but I have not said much about remarriage because I am trying to be very careful about taking one issue at a time. But now that we have spent three weeks studying Jesus’ words about divorce, it is time to begin looking into the question of remarriage. 
Not surprisingly there are numerous views on the subject of remarriage. Some say no remarriage ever. Other says just for adultery. Others say just for adultery or abandonment. Others throw physical abuse in. And others say remarriage is OK in just about any situation. So what I would like to do is talk first about what Jesus said in Mt.5 and 19, then we will dive in to 1 Cor.7.
Causes her to commit adultery
We will start with Matthew 5, because there is a difficulty in that text that we have not talked about yet.

Matthew 5:32 anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress

Why does Jesus call the innocent wife an adulteress? She has not been unfaithful, she has not initiated the divorce, she has not done anything wrong and she is an adulteress just because her husband divorces her?

Jesus does not say that in the parallel passages. Jesus speaks about divorce in four different passages – twice in Matthew, once in Mark, and once in Luke. In three of those four passages Jesus’ says almost exactly the same thing:

Luke 16:18 "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Mark 10:11 Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."
Matthew 19:9 anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.

Each time Jesus says the same thing – divorce your spouse and remarry and you have committed adultery. You cannot remarry after a sinful divorce because  still bound to your spouse.  not still married, but  still bound in the sense that God requires that you reconcile rather than go marry someone else. And Paul makes exactly the same point.

1 Corinthians 7:11 But if [the wife] does [divorce], she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. 

In all those texts it is the one who takes sinful action who is guilty. That makes sense. But why in Mt.5 does Jesus change the pattern and instead of saying the one divorcing commits adultery he says the one being divorced is made to commit adultery?

Matthew 5:32 anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress

Why does Jesus not follow His normal pattern and talk about the man getting the sinful divorce as an adulterer rather than pointing to the innocent wife as an adulteress?
Could it be that this is the one place is the whole Bible where a person can be forced to become a sinner against her will? Everywhere else in the Bible the only way to be guilty of sin is to choose to commit that sin. Is this the one place in the whole Bible where a person does not choose to do anything wrong but is guilty anyway just because of what her husband did? Does God hold the woman responsible if the man divorces her without grounds? 
No, I do not think that is what Jesus is saying here.

Ezekiel 18:20 The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him.

God does not hold you responsible for the sins of someone else. Each human being is a responsible moral agent before God and He deals with us according to our own obedience or disobedience.
So what did Jesus mean in this verse? Usually people say that Jesus is simply assuming the woman will sin by remarrying. Back then women could not just remain single very easily because they would not have anyone to care for them, and so they needed to remarry. And beyond the need, there was also a great deal of social pressure. In Rome a widow was expected to remarry within a year of her husband’s death, and a divorced woman was expected to remarry within six months of the divorce. So a number of interpreters have taken Jesus’ words here to mean, “If a man divorces his wife (assuming she chooses to sin by remarrying which she no doubt will), her first husband is guilty of pushing her into that sin.
So Jesus is picturing the remarriage of the woman as both inevitable and sinful. According to this view the woman would not be an adulteress if she just remained single like God wants her to, but it is so inevitable that she will choose to do the wrong thing and remarry that Jesus just says she is an adulteress as soon as the divorce happens because her sinful remarriage is inevitable.
But I have a hard time believing Jesus would simply assume that women will make a sinful decision as a general rule in that situation. If it is sin for her to remarry then I would expect that Jesus would assume the norm among His disciples to be that they not remarry. Isn’t that the way Jesus normally speaks about His followers? A true disciple – a true follower of Christ, obeys Christ no matter what the cost. His followers are those who have given up everything to follow Him, and who call Him Lord and hear His voice and obey. So I have a hard time believing Jesus would simply assume that as a general rule women in this situation will choose to do the wrong thing.
If that is such a foregone conclusion then why doesn’t Paul assume it will happen?

1 Corinthians 7:10 A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. 

Paul seems to think women are capable of avoiding a sinful remarriage. 
Plus, if Jesus wanted us to think in terms of the woman committing a sin, I would expect that He would simply say, “If any man divorces his wife and she remarries, she commits adultery.” But He doesn’t say she does anything. It is the man who divorces who is acting. It does not say she commits adultery; it says he makes her an adulteress.
What Jesus is doing here is not indicting the wife, but the husband who divorces her without grounds. Criag Blomberg: “It was probably not the taking of a new husband that made the wife commit adultery, since some divorced women remained unmarried. Jesus maintains that the divorce itself creates adultery – metaphorically, not literally – through infidelity to the lifelong, covenantal nature of marriage.
In other words, Jesus is not saying the woman is in sin; it is the man who is guilty. Jesus uses the word “adulteress” metaphorically to say that the man is in basically shoving her into a kind of forced “unfaithfulness” to the marriage. She made vows to be his wife, and now because of his divorcing her, she cannot fulfill those vows.
She is not doing anything wrong – Jesus is just using colorful, rhetorical language here to show how harmful the man’s actions are. He is not saying the woman is guilty of sin; He is simply saying that if you divorce your spouse without grounds  doing a horrible thing in God’s sight because  not only breaking your vows but  making it impossible for your spouse to keep their vows to you.

Remarriage for Adultery? Yes
OK, so let’s turn our attention now to Mt.19. 
Matthew 19:9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.

I made a case last week that marital unfaithfulness refers to adultery. You cannot divorce and remarry except in the case of adultery. And if Jesus said you canmot divorce and remarry except in the case of your spouse committing adultery then if your spouse does commit adultery  permitted to divorce and remarry. If it is wrong to divorce and remarry either way, then what would be the point of saying “except for marital unfaithfulness”? Then Jesus would be saying, - “If you divorce and remarry you are guilty of adultery – except in the case of unfaithfulness. In that case, if you divorce and remarry you are still guilty of adultery.” That would be like if someone said, “If you sin in this church we will put you out on church discipline – except if you repent. In that case, we will still put you out.” If you are guilty either way then the “except” becomes meaningless.
So sexual unfaithfulness in marriage is grounds for both divorce and remarriage. And last time I made the argument that it has to be literal, physical, sexual unfaithfulness – not just looking to lust. If looking to lust were grounds for divorce then everyone would have the right to divorce. I believe the reference is to literal, physical, ongoing, unrepentant involvement with another man or woman. And in a case like that divorce really does sever the marriage bond completely, and the innocent party is free to remarry. OK, now let’s take a look at 1 Cor.7 

Separation? No
No Celibacy in Marriage 
As I mentioned last time, the context of 1 Cor.7 seems to be that someone was promoting celibacy as the most spiritual way to go for all people. So if you are single, stay single; if you are married, abstain from physical relations, and if that does not work – get divorced. And Paul’s response to that is to say, “I admit singleness is a great thing, and those who can handle it should remain single. But most people have strong physical desire and so they should get married, because it is not worth putting yourself in a place of vulnerability to sin if you are the type who should be married. And there is no place at all for celibacy in marriage. And divorce is no good either. If you are married, stay married and act married – in a way that is frequent enough and satisfying enough so that your spouse will not be vulnerable to temptation.

2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 

That phrase “to have” someone does not mean to get married – it means to sleep with the person. Celibacy is great if you are single, but if you are married you need to “have” your spouse. And if you are not clear on what that means just read the next verse.

3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 
So, question #1 – is adultery by your spouse grounds for you to divorce and remarry? Yes.
Question #2 – is separation ever an option? No.
Separation
I do not see how anyone could read vv.3-5 and come away thinking separation is ever an option in a Christian marriage. And yet everywhere I turn I hear about Christian counselors and pastors telling couples it is OK for them to separate as long as they do not get a divorce. Separation has become the Christian alternative to divorce. People give up on a marriage, they want out, but they do not get a divorce because that is such a huge sin, so they separate. There are churches who will do church discipline and excommunicate you if you divorce, but if all you do is separate they do not do anything.
I believe separation is a sin that is even worse than divorce. When you got married you made vows to your spouse, and you are responsible to fulfill them. You do not have the option of taking a break from them for a few weeks or months or years. What Paul says here about fulfilling your physical obligation to your spouse – that is required of you as long as  married. 
If you separate from your spouse you are disobeying everything in that whole section of Scripture.

Remain Single? Only for some
So celibacy has no place whatsoever in marriage – but what about for single people?

8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say it is good for them to remain, just as I am doing. 9 But if they do not control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn [with desire]. 

It is perfectly fine for the unmarried and widows to remain single for the kingdom if they want, but if they have strong desires they should go ahead and remarry. A person who has strong desires should not try to stay single because it is not worth trying to fight off those desires all your life. So the unmarried and widows should not pass up opportunities to marry a godly spouse.
Who are the unmarried?
But we need to ask, who are the unmarried? That word cannot just mean “single,” because it is distinguished from the widows – both the unmarried and the widows can remarry. It cannot mean “virgins,” because in v.34 he speaks of both the unmarried and the virgins as two distinct groups. It cannot mean bachelors or widowers, because two of the four times the word is used in this chapter it refers to women. So who are the unmarried? I believe it refers to those who were formerly married who have literally become un-married (or de-married). And there are two ways that can happen – through death or through divorce. And we know Paul includes divorced people in this term because of v.11.

10 …A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. 

That verse is the only place where this word is used that specifies the marital status of the unmarried, and it is referring to a divorced woman.
So Paul is saying “As a general rule, those who use to be married but who are now single, if they can handle staying single great, but otherwise they should get married.” So that’s the general principle for singles – stay single if you can, but get married if you need to. Neither one is wrong – except for the case he is about to address in v.10.
So, separation within marriage? - No. Ongoing singleness for single people? - Only under certain conditions. If not burning with desire then it is OK, but otherwise you need to get married. That is vv.1-9. Then in v.10 Paul turns his attention to the subject of divorce & remarriage.

Divorce for the Christian? No
Paul begins with Christian couples. We know that because when he gets to v.12 he shifts gears and addresses mixed marriages – where there’s one believer and one unbeliever. So vv.10-11 address Christian couples.

10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 … And a husband must not divorce his wife.

The word translated separate is just another word for divorce. The word for “divorce” for the man at the end of v.11 is a term that means “to send away.” But they did not use that word to refer to a woman divorcing her husband because it was the man’s house, so in a divorce it was always the woman who left. But both words mean divorce.
In Roman and Greek culture women could divorce their husbands. In Jewish law a woman did not have the same rights as the man when it came to divorce. He could divorce her without her consent, but for her to divorce him, he had to agree to it (except in some rare cases where the woman could actually petition the court and be granted a divorce.) But whatever the law said, we all know that when one spouse is determined to end a marriage it is usually not that hard to drive the other one to actually do the paperwork. That happens in the church all the time. One partner wants out, but they do not want the stigma of being the one to file, so they do all they can to drive the spouse to file.
The problem of women divorcing their husbands at that time was widespread enough for Seneca to complain about it. Seneca was a Roman writer at the time of Jesus who was not a believer, but he was known for his high morals. And he said, “Roman women leave their homes in order to get married, and get married in order to get divorced.” Jesus spoke to the issue of women divorcing their husbands in Mark 10, and Paul brings it up here, so obviously it was a problem - so much so that Paul mentions the women first. The part about the men comes at the end almost as a tag line. The whole, big discussion about women divorcing and remaining single or reconciling, etc. and then at the end – 

11…And a husband must not divorce his wife.

It seems as though the problem of divorce in Corinth may have been mostly with the women.
Same standard for men and women
And the fact that Paul says so much to women here and just a few words at the end to men has  made some people wonder if there is a different standard for men and women. That is an important question because in that culture the standards were very different for men and women. So if Jesus does not say anything in that regard the assumption would be that the culture was correct. So, does Jesus give His stamp of approval on their cultural perspective? Or does He overturn it?
It was commonly believed in ancient times that adultery was a sin that could only be committed against a husband. The wife was the husband’s property and so adultery was essentially a crime of stealing what belongs to that man. So if you sleep with another man’s wife you are committing adultery against that man. And she is committing adultery against her husband. But adultery was only something that could be committed against a husband. If the husband slept with another single woman, that was usually not referred to as adultery – because he is not taking what belongs to another man. So it would be nonsense to speak of committing adultery against your wife.
So the question is, did Jesus accept that cultural way of thinking as valid, or did He overturn it? Answer: He radically overturned it.

Mark 10:11 Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.

They would have expected Jesus to say, “If a man divorces his wife and marries another married woman he commits adultery against that woman’s husband.” But when Jesus says he commits adultery against his wife – that is a radical re-definition of the word adultery.
That is not to say Jesus is overturning the OT perspective. The idea that a man did not owe any sexual faithfulness to his wife was a cultural idea that did not come from the OT. In fact, the OT taught just the opposite. Proverbs 5 warns men against sexual sin, and it says this:
Proverbs 5:16 Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? 17 Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.

The man’s “springs” and “streams of water” are never to be shared with strangers. Obviously it is not talking about literal water. It is a metaphor representing his sexual activity. A man who sleeps with another woman is being unfaithful to his own wife because he is giving to another woman that which belongs to his wife alone.
It was NOT OK for men to sleep with a single woman – or even look lustfully at her for that matter.

Job 31:1 I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.

The word there is virgin – an unmarried young woman.
So these attitudes about divorce that had two completely different standards for the man and the wife did not come from the OT, however they were a very definite part of the culture in Jesus’ time. So did Jesus accept those cultural attitudes? No – He completely upended their cultural sensibilities and elevated women to an equal plane with men.

Mark 10:11-12 "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." 

Jesus applies His divorce standards exactly the same for the husband and the wife. Most statements in the Bible apply the same to men and women whether that is stated or not. “Thou shalt not steal” applies the same to both men and women. The same with “thou shalt not murder” or “Love the Lord your God” or “Be filled by the Spirit.” There is no need to mention that it applies the same to both men and women. But in a cultural context where the standards for divorce were so different for the genders, Jesus goes out of His way to overturn that. He takes the time to repeat His whole statement twice with the same wording so people will know the standard for the man and the wife is exactly the same. 
And we see the same thing in 1 Cor.7. It almost gets to be comical how Paul keeps repeating the principle to apply to men and women.

1 Corinthians 7:2 each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 
3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 
4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 
10 To the married I give this command … A wife must not separate from her husband … And a husband must not divorce his wife. 
12 If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.
14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. 
15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; 
16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? 

He just goes out of his way over and over to drill it in to our heads that the standard is the same for man and wife.
And that is especially notable because most of what Scripture says regarding marriage is different for men and women. All the commands in the Bible are the same for men and women except in two areas – roles in the church and roles in the home. Men, love your wives. Wives, respect and submit to your husbands. (etc.) Just about everything the Bible says regarding marriage is different for husband and wife. And so it is especially notable that when it comes to divorce, over and over and over Scripture makes the point that the divorce standards are the same for men and women.
Now, does that mean every single time Jesus spoke of divorce that both sides were mentioned? We do not know, because not everything Jesus said was recorded. What we do know is that Mt.19 and Mk.10 are recording the same event. But both writers leave some words out.

Mt.19:9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.
Mk.10:3 He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." 

So in Matthew’s account we have the phrase except for marital unfaithfulness, but not in Luke’s account. And in Luke’s account we have the words “he commits adultery against her” but Matthew does not include the words “against her.” Luke also goes on to say… 

Mk.10:12 And if [the wife] divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.

But Matthew leaves that out. 
So what do we conclude? What did Jesus actually say? It is simple - He said it all. And He probably said a lot more. But each gospel writer only included the parts that were essential for his purposes in his gospel. The Holy Spirit did not decide we needed to have every remark in all four gospels. But He did decide that every word He wanted us to have got recorded by at least one gospel. So the fact that not every passage speaks specifically to both the husband and wife does not mean there are different standards for men and women. In Mt.5:28 Jesus said if a man looks at a woman in order to lust he commits adultery. Does that mean it is OK for a wife to look lustfully at another man? No – the principle applies to women the same – even though Jesus did not mention that explicitly. But with divorce He did go out of His way to state the principle with the exact same words as for the man because He is overturning a major cultural way of thinking. So all that to say I believe the standards for divorce and remarriage are the same for men and women – even in passages that do not explicitly state that.

Remarriage after a sinful divorce? No.
Two options
So, divorce and remarriage is ok in the case of adultery? Yes. Separation within marriage? Absolutey not. Continued singleness for singles? Yes, but only for certain people. Divorce for a Christian couple? Paul gives Jesus’ answer - No. Jesus gave an exception for the case of adultery, and Paul does not mention that. No need to bring up an exception every single time the general principle is stated.
So far so good. But then in v.11 he says something that is very difficult.

10 …A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does…

Now that is something you do not see very often. Usually when God gives a command He says, “Don’t do this, and if you do then you will be punished.” But he does not say that at all.
… A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. 

Now does that sound to you like she has two options? That is really strange. I cannot think of any other place in Scripture where God gives a command and then gives two options in case you disobey. 
I really wrestled this week with this verse. I looked at over 20 commentaries and just struggled and struggled with it all week and right through the weekend. It was hard for me because when I read the verse I realized that if Paul believed exactly like I believe, he would not have said it the way he said it. Well, obviously, anytime you find that Paul does not believe like you believe – that is a really bad thing.
Prior to this week if I had written this verse I would have said, “A wife must not divorce her husband, and if she does she needs to reconcile with him - period.” I would not have given her two options – stay single or reconcile. And this is a very big deal because if there really are two options for someone who has gotten a sinful divorce, that has important implications for church discipline. In the past, if someone got a sinful divorce we would carry out church discipline. And we would require that the person come back to his or her spouse and reconcile. And as long as they were unwilling to do that we would have regarded the person as unrepentant.
There are a couple commentaries that try to argue that there are not really two options. And I was very eager to agree with what they were saying, because that would fit my old view. But as hard as I tried I could not get around the fact that the word “or” can mean only one thing in this context – or. And not only does Paul offer two options, but he does another thing I would not have done. He places the option of remaining single first. The main emphasis is on her remaining single and being reconciled is given as a second option. 
So that leaves us with the question of what to do about church discipline. When someone sins the instruction in Mt.18 is to require repentance, and if they do not repent to carry out church discipline. This passage does not change that. We still carry out church discipline if someone gets a divorce without biblical grounds. If someone in this church gets a sinful divorce we will confront you with that sin and call you to repent. That part is still valid.
What I think I need to change from the way I have done things in the past is in what is required for repentance. I used to think that until the person made an effort to reconcile, he or she remains unrepentant. But it seems to me this text offers the real option of remaining single.
Now, does that mean it is OK to divorce as long as you plan on remaining single? No – absolutely not. The divorce is sin.

10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.

That is strong language. This is an unusual chapter in that Paul makes suggestions that are not commands. However this is not one of them. This is probably the strongest command in the whole chapter. He even calls it a command. He calls it a command and then reminds us that it came directly from the Lord Himself. 

10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.

We need to make no mistake – divorcing your spouse without grounds is sin. And a person who commits that sin and does not repent will be subject to church discipline. 

Why two options?
So why does the Lord give two options to people who get a sinful divorce? I cannot say for sure. Maybe it is because after a divorce it is not always easy to reconcile. The other spouse might not be willing. Or there might be some problems that need to be worked out first.
And I think another big part is the fact that as long as both parties remain single there is a possibility for the marriage to be restored. After a divorce it seems like the absolute last thing that could ever happen would be reconciliation. Very often, especially for the person who files for divorce, after the divorce it just seems like getting back together could never happen. And so after a while they start thinking in terms of finding someone else. And so if the Lord tells us right up front, “You cannot get married to someone else. If you do not reconcile with your former spouse you must remain single” – that just puts marriage to someone else out of the question from the get go. It might be a long time before they feel like they can even think about getting back together, but as long as they are both single there is a chance for the marriage to be restored. So it is like God is saying, “I know it seems to you right now like never in a million years could you ever get back together. I know it feels like that now, and I am not even saying you have to get back together right now. Just do not remarry anyone else. Stay single.” There have been times when 10, 20, 30 years after a divorce the couple has reconciled and had a wonderful marriage.

Not punishment 
So a married Christian has only one option – stay married. But if someone rebels against God’s standard, then they have two options: stay single or reconcile. And I think it is safe to say the purpose of staying single is not punishment – it is to keep the possibility of reconciliation alive. If anyone thinks Paul would conceive of singleness as punishment, that person has not read this chapter. Paul calls it a gift, not a punishment.
What if the spouse remarries? Then you are free to remarry 
The reason why the guilty party in a divorce must remain single is because of what Jesus said – marriage to someone else would be adultery. Even though you are divorced, you still owe yourself to your spouse because the union is not completely severed as long as you are  both single.

Remarriage to another does end the marriage 
What if one party gets married to someone else? They should not, but what if they do? If you get a sinful divorce, and then your spouse marries someone else, are you still required to remain single? I do not think so. Remember Paul’s general statement at the beginning for the unmarried is that if they have trouble with self-control they should not remain single. If your former spouse is still available then that person is your only option. But if they are not available I do not think you are still bound to that marriage.
In previous studies we saw that a divorce without grounds does not really completely end a marriage in God’s eyes. However once the husband or wife marries someone else, then the first marriage really is completely over. When Jesus spoke with the woman at the well, He said:

John 4:18 you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. 

She had 6 partners – five she married and one she did not, and Jesus makes a distinction between the five and the one. All five marriages were valid enough for Jesus to call those men “husbands,” and that last guy was not a husband even though they were living together.
In Dt.24 where a man divorces his wife and she marries a second man Scripture calls that second man her husband and the first marriage is dissolved forever. (Dt.24:3)  So much so that if her second husband died she could marry anyone except that first husband.
In Lv.22 it says that if a priest’s daughter marries a non-priest, then she can no longer eat the sacred food. The marriage relationship supersedes the parent-child relationship, and so now that she is married to a non-priest she is just like any other person in a non-priestly family. Only people in the priest’s family could eat the sacred food. But if her husband dies or if they get divorced, then she can eat the food again. After the divorce she is no longer considered by God to be part of that other man’s family because the divorce really did dissolve the marriage.
And that is why throughout Scripture divorced women are always in the same category as widows. In Lv.21 there was a rule that priests were not allowed to marry any woman who was not a virgin – including widows. There is nothing wrong with a regular person marrying a widow, but there was a lot of symbolism for the priests, and so they could only marry a virgin. 
The interesting thing is Moses mentions three kinds of non-virgins in that text: widows, divorced women, and defiled prostitutes. Only the prostitutes are called defiled, while the divorced women are grouped with the widows.
In Numbers 30:9, when the Lord is giving instructions regarding when vows are binding on various categories of people, and in that passage divorced women are put into the same category as widows. And in Ez.44:22, in a section about priests, again divorced women are in the category with widows.
So all that to say that divorce really does end a marriage, and even if someone sins by remarrying after a sinful divorce – still God recognizes that new marriage as a valid marriage.
Step children 
And that has some important implications. For example, it should govern the way we think about “step” children. It seems to me there is a trend toward children not recognizing step parents as parents. I am certainly no expert on how to handle all the various struggles that go along with blending a family, but I can tell you the biblical standard. In God’s eyes, the relationship between a child and a step-parent is identical to the relationship between a child and a biological parent. I could give you many examples, but I will just give you one. In Lv.20 we find the laws about incest, and one of them says a man is not allowed to marry his step-mother even if his father died. Think about that - she is a widow, free to marry anyone, and there is no blood relation, and yet God says  the step-son is forbidden to marry her because it would be incest (Lv.20:11). That is because in God’s eyes she is not a step-mother – she is his mother. No distinction is made in Scripture between biological children, step children, or adopted children. If  married to someone then that person’s kids are your kids – period. A legal parent is a parent, and everything the Bible says about a child’s responsibility toward his parents applies – exactly the same as a blood relative. I realize it can difficult for the kids, which is a great reason not to get divorced in the first place, but once there is a remarriage, if you want to teach your children God’s standards, teach them to respond to the step-parent exactly like a biological parent. Do not give them the option of accepting or not accepting them. It is not their call – it is God’s call and it is your responsibility to teach them to honor their father and mother – which is you and your spouse.
The innocent party – stay single
What about the innocent party? If your Christian spouse divorces you without grounds, do you have to remain single too? It seems to me that is implied. I used to believe that the innocent party could remarry, but as I have studied this the past several weeks I am realizing that would not really make sense. There is no direct command about that, but if God expects your spouse to be reconciled to you, then obviously you are going to need to be willing to be reconciled to your spouse. Certainly it is not God’s will for your spouse to try to reconcile and for you to refuse – what would be the point of that?

Conclusion
So, divorce and remarriage for adultery? Yes. Separation within marriage? No. Continued singleness? Only for certain people. Remarriage after a sinful divorce? No. What about if your unbelieving spouse abandons you? Or what about the case of life-threatening physical abuse? Or what if your kids are in danger? Or your spouse is involving you in crimes (like having illegal things in the house or filing fraudulent tax returns)? Or what if your spouse gets sentenced to life in prison? We will plan on looking into all that next time.
For now let me just close with this: When I got done writing this sermon I looked over it and was not very impressed. It is really long on information and really short on motivation. I told you a whole bunch of stuff that is allowed or forbidden, and made a bunch of arguments, but I have not really done anything to help those of you who are struggling. You are single and you do not want to be. Or you are in a situation where God’s standard just seems impossible. Good preaching does not just tell you what the truth is – good preaching shows you the truth. The goal is not just to say what is true, but to show the beauty and desirability of it. I want to help you love the truth.
But this is a special case. Divorce is such a complex issue and such a controversial issue that there really is a need for the sort of thing we did today. So I have to ask you all to preach the rest of this sermon. Spend time meditating and studying and praying and asking the Lord to show you the beauty of His way. Ask Him to open your eyes to how glorious His way is and what a sweet thing it is to walk in it.

Benediction: Heb.13:20,21  May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, 21 equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Appendix 
Who are the “unmarried”? 
Paul tells two groups that it is a perfectly good option for them to remain as they are. One group is the unmarried and the other group is widows. That has created a great deal of discussion over the question of the word “unmarried.” If it just refers to any person who isn’t married then why would Paul also mention widows? If it refers to all single people then it would include the widows. So evidently “unmarried” refers to something besides widows.
The Greek word is agamos. Gamos refers to marriage; and in the Greek when they wanted to refer to the opposite of something they would put an a in front of it. We do the same thing with the prefix “un.” So the opposite of married is unmarried; and in Greek the opposite of gamos is agamos. That word is only used four times in the Bible, and all four are in this chapter. So if we are going to figure out what Paul means by this word we are going to have to look at these four uses.
Widowers? 
Some people have suggested that maybe it means “widowers” – men whose wives had died. That would make sense – v.8 would be saying, “To the widowers and to the widows I say this…” The problem with making that word mean “widower” is the fact that two of the four uses of the word in this chapter refer to women. And we know for sure in one of those cases the woman’s husband has not died.

11 But if [the wife] does [divorce], she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.  
Bachelors?
Others have suggested the word just means “bachelors” – referring to singles in general. But again, that theory runs aground on the fact that two of the four uses of the word refer to women. If the masculine form refers to all single men, then the feminine form would refer to all single women. But then how would we explain v.34?

 34 An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs

If “unmarried woman” refers to all single women, why would he also mention virgins as a separate category? 
All singles? 
Another theory is that that “unmarried” simply means “single” and it includes all singles - virgins, divorced people, widows, and widowers. So in v.8 when Paul says, “to the unmarried and the widows I say…” it means, “To all single people and especially to the widows I say…” And down in v.34 he’s saying, “A single woman and especially a virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs.” But why would virgins be more focused on pleasing the Lord than other single women? The contrast is between being focused on pleasing the Lord as opposed to pleasing one’s husband. No single woman has a husband to please, so why would Paul say, “especially a virgin”?
And up in v.8, why would Paul say, “I urge all single people to remain single – and especially widows”? It would be very strange for Paul to single out widows and  say it is especially important for them to remain single, because that is the opposite of what he says in 1 Tim.5.
1 Timothy 5:14 So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes
De-married
So the word agamos does not refer to all singles, it does not refer only to bachelors or widower. So what does it mean? The answer is in v.11.

11 But if [the wife] does [divorce], she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.  

She used to be married, she is not married anymore, so now she is literally un-married (or de-married). I believe the word agamos refers to the formerly married. They were married but then they became de-married either through divorce or the death of their spouse. That fits all four uses of the term. In v.8 he refers to the de-married men and the widows. In v.11 he says the woman who leaves her husband should stay de-married so she can be reconciled to her husband. And in vv.32 and 34 those who have become unmarried – along with the virgins who were never married – are all able to focus constantly on the Lord because they do not have to worry about pleasing a spouse. So the word unmarried in 1 Cor.7 refers to those who were formerly married but who are now single either through death or divorce.