Children Obey Your Parents   	Col.3:20-21     1-13-2002 

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Children

We are keeping the children with us this morning, because this passage is written to them.  It wouldn’t make any sense to send them out of the room when we discuss a passage that is written directly to them.

It’s worth noticing that children are addressed as responsible members of the congregation.  It doesn’t say, “Parents, make your kids obey.”  or “Parents, pass this command on to your children, because I know they won’t be reading this.”  Rather, the children themselves are addressed.

Children are not the church of the future, they are part of the church right now.  They are as much a part of the church as adults are.  

They are a part of the body, and they have responsibilities & privilages in the Body of Christ.

What would Creekside be like if we had no children at all?  

“We would be dead in a generation.”  I think we would be real close to dead right now.

Our children are a critical part of who we are.  You don’t think of your kids in your house as the potential family of the future.  They are a real part of your family right now.

obey your parents in everything
This is a stronger wording than what he said to wives.  The command to wives is in the middle voice – “submit yourselves.”  That highlights the voluntary nature of the submission.
That’s not to say it’s optional.  It’s just that it is voluntary.  Husbands are not to discipline their wives if they don’t submit like parents do with their children.

This is a very important command.  It is one of the 10 commandments – and it’s the only one of the ten that comes with a promise.  If you do it, your life will tend to go well (Ex.20:12).

Everyone wants his life to go well.  People go to college, because they think it will help make their lives go well.

People try to earn money so their lives will go well.  People pursue all kinds of relationships in an effort to make their lives go well.

God says if you want your life to go well, honor your mom & dad.

That command isn’t just to obey, but also to honor them.  

If you are a child, it is your duty before God to honor & respect your parents.  It doesn’t matter if they deserve it or not.  The truth is, they don’t.  

They are sinful, created beings with limited knowledge and limited power who make mistakes.

You don’t respect them because they deserve it.  You respect them because that pleases God, and He does deserve it.

Your duty goes way beyond just doing what they say.

Think about this, kids: Is it possible to disobey your parents even when you do what they tell you to do?

Yes, if you do it with a disrespectful attitude.

If your mom tells you to do something you don’t want to do, and you say, “Aw maaaan!” and go stomping off and do it, that may be obedience on the outside, but it’s still disrespect on the inside.

When your mom or dad tell you something you should immediately say, “Yes Ma’am!” or “Yes Sir!” (Of course then you have the added chore of having to try to revive them because they have passed out).
Listening
The term translated “obey” literally means “to listen.”  The emphasis is not on doing what your parents say, but on listening.  

That doesn’t just mean hearing the sounds coming out of their mouths – but giving credence to what they say – taking what they say and giving weight and importance to it in your thinking.

It means to take what they say seriously.  

The older a child is, the harder this becomes.

When you are real little, you assume your parents know everything and aren’t wrong about anything.

By the time you’re 16, you realize there are some things your parents don’t have a clue about.  It’s at that stage of life when this command begins to become difficult.  

Someone in his early or mid teens knows so much more than he knew just two years ago, that it seems to him like he is practically at the adult level of knowledge.

So when you give your reasoning why you should be allowed to stay out later or some other privilege regarding dress, etc., and your parents aren’t convinced, it seems like your parents are being irrational.

When Scripture tells you to listen to your parents, that involves trusting what they say to be valid.  It means saying to yourself, “Even though it doesn’t seem like mom’s reasoning is sound, I’m going to assume she has some knowledge or some perspective that I don’t have, and there may be more to this than meets my 14 year old eye.”

That is faith, and it’s very difficult for an adolescent to do, but it’s exactly what Scripture calls for. 

Pr.1:8  Listen, my son, to your father's instruction
Pr 23:22 Listen to your father, who gave you life
And many, many others.

You don’t just listen to your parents when you agree with what they are saying.  We wouldn’t need a command in the Bible for that – everyone does that.  The point is to listen to them when you don’t agree. 

Now, if your parents tell you to do something sinful, obviously you can’t do that.  

And if your parents are beating you – leaving marks, or injuring you.  You need to come tell me.

But if you just disagree with them, you still obey.

And the older you get, the more it applies.  This is talking about anyone still living in his parents’ home.  
“What if I’m an adult, but I’m still living at home?”  

That doesn’t matter.  You still fall into the category being discussed by this word translated “children.”  

Besides, I don’t see why that would make any difference anyway.  I’m 34, but if our house burned down and we moved in for a while with Dave & Ruth, I would follow absolutely any household rule they have.

During the time you are under your parents’ roof, you should not only follow their rules, but actually look to them for guidance, and pay careful attention to what they say.

When your parents tell you you’re not mature enough to do something or to make a certain decision, that’s not an insult.  Listen to them, and give them more credit than you are naturally inclined to. 

If you are 16, and your mom says you don’t have the maturity of an 18 year old, that’s not bad.

If you are 12, and your parents don’t treat you like a 14-year-old, that’s not an insult.  In fact, that puts you in good company.  You are just like Jesus.  

People often wonder, “What was Jesus doing from age 12 until He was an adult?  How did He spend His teen years and His 20s?  

The answer is He spent that time growing in 4 areas in which He was lacking.  

Even though He was God in human flesh, during His teen years He was lacking in 4 areas and needed to mature in those 4 areas.

Luke 2 tells us about an event that happened when Jesus was 12, and then v.52 describes what His life was like from then on to adulthood:  Lk.2:52  Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men. 
At age 12 Jesus was different than any other 12-year-old in that He had no sin.  But He was like every other 12-year-old in that He was lacking mentally, physically, spiritually and socially.

Everyone agrees little children are lacking in those areas.  Very young children don’t have the sense to make good life decisions.  Leave them to themselves and they will eat nothing but fruit loops, candy & ice cream, they have to be taught how to get along with other kids, they have no ability to function in society – they need years of training and learning.
But very often when someone reaches adolescence, he assumes those things are no longer true of him.  Once you hit your teens, you start feeling like an adult.

But Lk.2:52 is talking about Jesus from age 12 on.  So it’s not talking about His early childhood, but His teen years.

He lacked wisdom.
He didn’t know how to make good decisions in life.  He didn’t have enough knowledge or life experience to successfully navigate through life without guidance from His parents.

Left to His own, He would have tended to make foolish decisions.  I’m sure He was much wiser than the average 12-year-old, but still needed to grow in that area.
“But wasn’t He in the Temple teaching the Scribes at age 12?”  

Actually, He was in the Temple asking the Scribes questions. Lk 2:46,47
 they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. 

He was also giving some answers as well.   47 Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. 

So for a 12-year-old he was advanced to the point that people were amazed at his understanding, but still He needed to grow.

If that was true of Him, it’s true of you as well.

Secondly, He lacked stature.  He needed to grow physically.  
Third, He grew in favor with God.  Amazingly, even though He was perfect, He still had to grow and learn and make progress spiritually.  

And forth, He grew in favor with men.  He had to learn social graces.  He needed to learn how to get along with people – how people react to various things, and what offends people or annoys people, and how other people interpret things.

He needed to learn how to put people at ease, how to comfort them, how to motivate them, and how to communicate with them and understand them.

He was like any other teenage kid – He needed to learn how to smile and how to be confident in His interaction with adults.

I can see why Luke put this last, because it seems to be the last area in which we mature.  

Very often someone will reach his full height physically and so he assumes he is mature, but he lacks understanding regarding all that is involved in the subtleties of social interaction.  

When you’re a kid, you have pressure from your friends to be cool, and you learn to protect yourself from ever being embarrassed.  

But when you become an adult you have to learn how to not worry about protecting yourself so much, and to be confident, and warm toward people.

Children need guidance in this area – especially teenage children.  

This is especially the case when it comes to romantic relationships.  Anyone who falls in love tends to make foolish decisions (that’s why SoS warns us about the dangers of romantic love), but especially young people.

It is extremely foolish to ignore your parents’ guidance when you start dating – extremely foolish.  

And not just foolish, but sinful.  Remember, obeying your parents is not just following rules, but listening to them and heeding their council.

for this pleases the Lord. 

First and foremost, obeying your parents should be a religious experience.  It has more to do with your closeness and intimacy with God than anything else.

Too often our message to children is just, “Obey, obey, obey!”  

But that’s not the most important thing.  The crucial thing is that you obey with the motive of bringing pleasure to God.

The idea that we could bring pleasure to God is one of the most amazing concepts the human brain is capable of contemplating.  

What could be greater than the pleasure of God?

Scripture teaches that while God can be grieved or saddened or angered, it is also true that He is eternally blessed.  God is happy.  He experiences infinite pleasure all the time.

And Scripture speaks about His pleasure repeatedly.  

Most of the things that bring Him pleasure are things He does.  God works to bring about His own pleasure.  He does that because He’s not an idolater – He knows that the glorification of the true God is the greatest reality there is, so He works to bring it about.  And that brings joy to His soul.

John Piper has done a brilliant job analyzing this in “The Pleasures of God.” 

•	Scripture says He takes pleasure in Christ.  God the Father took so much pleasure in the Son that in Mt.3:17 there is an outburst from heaven and God the Father speaks out loud so everyone can hear: "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased." 
  
•	God takes pleasure in all He does.   And that’s because He does what He does, because that’s what pleases Him.  

If God thinks of something that would please Him, He does it.  Ps 115:3  Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him. 

Isa.46:10  I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please. 

(He can do that, because He only thinks of perfectly good things).

•	God takes pleasure in the Creation.

The Universe is a masterpiece of wisdom & order, and God loves it.  Job 38 says when God created the world, He was not sitting up in heaven with a blank stare, and all the angels falling asleep.

No, when God made everything there was rejoicing in heaven and shouts of joy!

•	God takes pleasure in the greatness of His reputation.  The Bible calls that His name.

Many times the Bible says it pleased the Lord to do something because it resulted in people holding Him in higher regard.

It’s a good thing for God to be famous.  That brings Him pleasure.  

That’s the main reason why we send missionaries.  The main goal of a missionary isn’t just to tell people about God so they can go to heaven.  That’s a good reason, but there is a much more important reason than that.

In Isa.66:19 God tells us why He sends missionaries: "I will send some …to the distant islands that have not heard of my fame or seen my glory. They will proclaim my glory among the nations.” 

The most important reason for a missionary to go somewhere is so God can be famous everywhere.  So His name, His reputation, might be proclaimed in every nation.

•	God takes pleasure in doing good things for His people.
Jer.32:41 I will rejoice in doing them good 

•	God takes pleasure in justice.
Pr.11:1 says God delights in honesty in business transactions.

•	God delights in His own wisdom in the way He has revealed Himself.
Lk 10:21  At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure. 

So there are a lot of things that bring God pleasure.  And most of them are things only God can do.

But there are some things that we can do that can actually bring pleasure to God!  

2 Cor.5:9  we make it our goal to please him

But to do that you first have to find out what pleases the Lord.  (Eph.5:10)

How do you find out?  Scripture tells us a few things.

According to Rev.5:8 & 8:4 our prayers are like sweet-smelling incense to God.  Like the smell of home made bread baking in the oven.

Ro.12:1 If you offer yourself to God as an act of worship that is pleasing to God

Ro.14:18  If you care more about righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit than you do about your own physical pleasures, you are pleasing to God.

Php.4:18 Money a church sends to support a missionary who preaches the Gospel is pleasing to God.

All those things bring pleasure to the heart of God.  

But there is one other thing that can do it – something children can do.  Obeying their parents.

Kids, don’t obey your parents just to stay out of trouble.
Don’t obey your parents just to avoid getting punished.

Parents, don’t make your children obey so you won’t be embarrassed by them, or so you can take pride in what a great parent you are, with such well-behaved kids.

Don’t make your kids obey just so you can enjoy the convenience of not having a wild kid.  

Don’t make you kids obey just to lighten your work load.

Parents, teach your kids to obey you because your highest desire is the pleasure of God.

Children, obey your parents not just to make them happy but to bring a smile to the face of God.

Parents, do you teach this to your kids?  Is it clear to them?

What kind of lesson do we teach our kids when we say, “Don’t do that” and they keep going with no consequence.  

Later: “Don’t do that” and they disobey with no real consequence.  

Later: “Don’t do that’ and they disobey again, and this time break something expensive, and we fly off the handle, and they receive a huge punishment for disobeying.

Now you’re mad, and your voice is loud, and you’re spanking the daylights out of him, and you say, “You’re gonna get it, because I care about the pleasure of God!”

Let’s be honest.  They aren’t being punished for disobeying.  They aren’t being punished so they can learn about the pleasure of God.  They are being punished because we are mad about the lamp.

Does that teach them that uppermost in our priorities is the pleasure of God?  No.  They learn that disobedience is no big deal, disrespect is no big deal; what really matters more than anything is money.

Those of you still living with your parents, the next time you really, really want something – before you even bother asking your parents, get it settled in your own mind how important that thing is.

Is it more important or less important than pleasing God?  
Is it more or less important than honoring your parents?

Make sure the answer to those questions is firmly in your mind before you even ask.  If pleasing God is more important, than honoring your parents is more important.

So you go to you parents thinking, “I really want this, but honoring them is more important to me than getting what I want.  If they say no, how am I going to going about honoring them?  How am I going to go about listening to them?”

How To Become Obedient

“I want to be obedient.  But I just fail all the time.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”  

What’s wrong with you is the same thing that’s wrong with me.  You disobey your parents for the same reason I disobey God.  

The reason we keep doing wrong things even after we have become Christians is the kind of bodies we have.

We have bodies that can see candy, but can’t see God or His Kingdom.

We can taste cookies, but we can’t taste the pleasures of heaven yet.

The bodies we have now can enjoy playing or being with a friend or doing all kinds of fun things, but it can’t see a smile or frown on the face of God.

We have bodies that can only see part of the story.  We have bodies that can only see the least important things, and can’t see or feel the most important things.

And so Ro.7 says the result is that your body (flesh) ends up being a slave to sin.  Because all the Devil has to do to get you to sin is show you something you’re not allowed to have that you want.

If you could see God, if you could see good and evil as it really is, if you could touch the kingdom of God, and feel spiritual realities, then you wouldn’t ever even want to sin as a Christian, because you have a good heart.

So what is the key to learning how to say “no” to what your body wants when it is wrong?  Faith.

I need a volunteer to come up on stage.  

You have a choice – either a $5 bill, or this piece of paper.  I’m not going to tell you what the piece of paper is.  All I’ll say is this – if you choose the paper, you can’t have the $5.  And if you choose the $5, you can’t have the paper.  

Also, I love you and care about you, and I want only what is best for you, and I’m telling you that you would be better off to choose the piece of paper.

On the paper: “Thank you for trusting me.  I’m so glad you did, because now I have the pleasure of giving you what I really wanted to give you: this $20 bill.  It’s yours to spend however you want.  I hope you have a great time with it.”

The $5 is like the thing you want that is forbidden.  That’s what the Devil offers you – something you can see ahead of time.  Something you know you will like.  

But all God offers is some words written on paper (the Bible).  He promises that if you take what He offers and pass up the Devil’s offer, you will be glad you did.  But you have to trust Him.

When you are tempted to disobey, remember – that thing you want so bad is just the $5.  When God promises a good life if you obey, that is so much better.  Trust Him.

I’m not telling you to trust your parents.  You can’t fully trust your parents to always do what is best.  

For one thing your parents don’t know the future.  For another thing, they can’t see your heart.  

Not only that, they have limited ability to appreciate how important things are to you.

On top of that, they are limited in the amount of money and time they have.

Beyond that, they have no way of knowing what is best for you in a lot of cases.  If you go to a party, or do something you want to do, they don’t know what’s going to happen.  

For all they know you might go to the party and lead someone to Christ.  Or you might be influenced in a negative way.

They just don’t know.  And God requires them to make decisions about what is wise or unwise to allow for you, even with all those things they don’t know.

So of course they are going to make lots of mistakes.

So you can’t really trust your parents to always make the best decision.

That wouldn’t even be wise.  What is wise, though, is to trust God to lead you through the first third of your life or so by means of your parents’ decisions.  

You see, God is not limited by your parents’ limitations.  

Maybe God knows the best thing for you would be to live in a different town because of the great friends you would meet there, or because if you stay in this town you will end up getting run over by a bus.

Your parents don’t know any of that, so God will use something else to get them to move to where He wants you.

Maybe they will decide to move so they can live in cheaper house.  Or maybe they will move there so your dad is closer to work. 

Or maybe they will move there for a foolish reason.  Maybe they see you wear a certain style of clothes and assume you are in a gang, and so they move there to get you away from the gang – but you’re not even in a gang.

They might move there for a good reason.  They might move there for a ridiculous reason.  But either way, you can trust God to get you where you need to be 

Being under authority is a great privilege.  It’s the only time you can know for absolute certain what God’s will is for you on matters the Bible doesn’t address.

Talk to just about any adult, and they will tell you that one of the most difficult, painful, burdensome things in life is having to constantly try to make decisions about what is wise and what is foolish.  

That is a heavy load.  It’s so hard to do.  And it would be a sin for your parents to put that heavy load on your shoulders too soon.

Choosing whether or not to obey is so much easier than choosing what is wisest.  Hold on to that privilege as long as you possibly can.  

And learn to treasure it.  It will help you all the way through life (because you are always under someone’s authority).  

That’s one reason this is so important to God.  Because if children are allowed to be disobedient, the entire society will crumble.   

If you can’t respect and obey your parents, you will struggle your whole life with authorities, and that will not only ruin your life, but when an entire generation of children grow up like that, it brings complete disaster.

That’s why in OT times a child was put to death if he was rebellious against his parents (Dt.21:18-21).  

In the last days, when the whole world is plunged into devastating chaos & disaster, one thing that will bring that disaster is disobedient children. 

2Ti 3:1-5  But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be …disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God- 5having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. 

For an older student – Jr. or Sr. High, rebelliousness against your parents is a matter of church discipline.  

So God has set before you two paths: the path of rebellion which leads to destruction, or the path of trusting God to guide you through life through your authorities. 

Jer.29:11  For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Isa.46:4  I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

He didn’t create you just to let your life go down the tubes.  If you trust Him, He will carry you through life.  He will use good things and bad things – absolutely every single thing that happens to you, to bring you to exactly where it’s best for you to be.

Just trust Him.

BENEDICTION:

Heb.13:20,21  May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, 21 equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.