Confident Prayer
Overcoming Evil: Part 12
1 John 3:21-23      11-23-2008

Summary: God promises freedom to speak freely in His presence and answers to our prayers if we overcome self-condemnation.  (The promise for answered prayer is limited to prayers that can fit into His perfect plan.)  Along with the other conditions for answered prayer in Scripture (asking, persistence, faith, wholeheartedness, proper motive, and, mostly, righteousness – especially love) John adds overcoming self-condemnation.  The reason it works is because of love.  God is inclined to answer the prayers of those who love (He loves helping you love).

Introduction:
The Promises (confidence and answered prayer)
1)	Confidence before God
2)	Answered prayer
What about when God doesn’t give us what we request?
Does not include bad things
Does not include anything outside God’s perfect plan
Desire and Decision
A disappointment?
The possible
Treasuring God’s plan
But won’t He just do His plan anyway?
Within His plan we get whatever we ask for
No limit on how much
The Condition
Prayer
Persistence
Faith
Wholehearted seeking
Non-adulterous motive
Righteousness
Especially love
Reason
It removes the only hindrance
He loves helping you love
Love loves loving
Conclusion
Devotionals
Desire and Decision
Prayer
Persistence
Faith
Wholehearted seeking
Non-adulterous motive
Righteousness
Especially love

19 This then is how we will know that we are of the truth, and how we will convince our hearts in his presence 20 that if our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. 
21 Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God 22 and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what is pleasing before him. 23 And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. 24 Those who obey his commands remain in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he remains in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.

Introduction: 

We come to a passage this morning in which John makes two of the most staggering, amazing, encouraging promises imaginable. 

The Promises (confidence and answered prayer)
If we do what John is calling us to do we will get these two wonderful promises.  So first let’s look at those promises, and then we will take a look at what we have to do to get those promises. 
1)	Confidence before God
The first promise is in verse 21.

21 Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God

The first promise John offers us is confidence before God in prayer.  That word means to be able to speak freely.  To be comfortable and at ease before God so that you can freely pour out whatever is on your heart.  When your conscience is not clear, and you do not have a sense that God is pleased with you, that hinders your ability to speak freely before God.
Usually when we drift away from God and fall into sin, we do not want to talk to God or even think about Him.  The way back to Him is through repentance, and true repentance is painful, so we are tempted to just put it out of our minds and get on with our day.  And when we do that what we are saying is, “I’m content to remain at odds with God.  I’m fine with staying at arm’s length for a little while.  I don’t have the time or energy right now to deal with repentance.”
Have you ever been in that kind of mentality, and then something comes up that makes you want to cry out to God for help, but you are reluctant because you are not really very close with Him?  You are sort of postponing dealing with some sin and then all of the sudden the phone rings and it’s the doctor with the cancer test results.  And your first impulse is to think, “Oh dear God, please let the test be negative!”  But then you realize – “Oh, I’ve been holding God at arm’s length.  I’m not really in a position to be asking for special blessings right now.  I’ve sinned against Him and haven’t really repented and I’ve been content to just be distant from Him for now.  You feel like if you are going to go before God in prayer you should begin by dealing with your sin and not with asking for favors.
It is a horrible feeling to have the sense that you are not free to ask anything of God because of alienation from Him or because of a guilty conscience.  And the first of the two incentives that God places before us in this text is the amazing privilege of being able to speak freely before Him – to have confidence before Him, so that you do not have to hesitate to come boldly into His presence and ask for whatever is on your heart.  That is huge.  That is a big time, heavyweight, major league kind of promise.
And you can have that, if verse 21 is an “if – then” statement.  If you fulfill the condition, then you get the benefits. 
2)	Answered prayer
But before we look at the condition, let’s take a look at the second benefit.  The first one is confidence before God – the second one is in verse 22.

21 … we have confidence before God 22 and receive from him anything we ask(1)

Wow!  That is another colossus of a benefit! 

What about when God doesn’t give us what we request?

The first promise is we get to come boldly and confidently before God.  The second promise is we receive whatever we ask for in prayer.
So, here John goes again.  Just about every week John hits us with a statement that sounds ridiculous when we first hear it.  I mean, honestly, is there anyone here who gets everything you ask for in prayer?
Does not include bad things
Who would even want that?  Wouldn’t that be more of a curse than a blessing?  When you pray, “Dear Lord, please let me hit this green light” – do you want Him to grant that request even if He knows it means you will get hit by a drunk driver and be a vegetable the rest of your life?  Or worse than that – it would result in being faced with some temptation and falling into some sin you otherwise would not fall into?  When you ask for something that you think would be good, but in the long run it turns out it would have been very bad – do you want Him to say yes to that?  We constantly ask for things that would be terrible to get.  And it is God’s mercy and love and kindness to us that says “no” to those prayers.
So what on earth does John mean when he says that we receive whatever we ask for in prayer?  How extensive is that word, “whatever”?  Did John intend that in an absolute sense – absolutely anything you ask for you get?
I believe one of the reasons John makes statements like this is to force us to stop and think deeply about it.  So let’s think this through.  Given what we know from John, should we assume that he meant the term “whatever” to include even bad things?  If I pray for God to do something wrong – something evil – something contrary to His nature, will He do it?  Obviously not.  I think we are safe in assuming that John is not suggesting that God could cease to be God - which is exactly what He would have to do if He were to grant our requests when we ask for things that are not what is best.
Does not include anything outside God’s perfect plan
But what about when we are praying for something we know for sure is God’s will?  God is not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance (2 Pe.3:9).  So if you are praying for the salvation of a loved one, you know you are praying for what God desires.  So why is it that we can pray for someone’s salvation and that person ends up dying as an unbeliever?  We know it is God’s will that we should be holy (1 Thes.4:3).  So why do we pray for victory over some sin only to fall right into defeat?  I pray for God to use my sermons to comfort troubled hearts, and yet very often people are more troubled after the sermon than before.  What about when you pray for insight and understanding, and then open your Bible and can’t make heads or tails out of anything?  Why is it that God does not answer our prayers even when we are praying for things He already said are His will?  One part of the answer to that lies in understanding the word “will.”  That word is used more than one way in the Bible.  1 Peter 3:9 says it is not God’s will that anyone should perish. 

1 Samuel 2:25 [Eli’s] sons did not listen … for it was the LORD's will to put them to death.

God did not grant them repentant hearts because it was his will for them to perish.  So how can Peter say it is not God’s will for anyone to perish and yet Samuel says it was God’s will for Eli’s sons to perish?
Desire and Decision
Obviously the word “will” is being used in two different ways.  Sometimes that word refers to the decision-making faculty and other times it refers to desire.  The reason the Bible can say something is God’s will and is not God’s will at the same time is because some things are God’s desire that are not His decision.  What God desires and what He decides to do are not always the same.  God does not desire that any should perish.  But He does decide to allow many (in fact, most) to perish.  Whenever you see a passage of Scripture that speaks of God’s will, try filling in the word “desire” and then try filling in the word “decision” or “plan” and see which one is called for by the context.
When your child disobeys, is it your will to punish him?  Yes and no.  It is not your desire, in the sense that it is something you enjoy.  So if you are speaking of the will of desire then the answer is no, it is not your will to punish him.  But if you are speaking of the will of decision or plan, then the answer may be yes.  You may very well decide to punish him because you know it is best for your child – even though you do not enjoy doing so.  God is the same way.

Lamentations 3:32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. 33 For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.

He brings affliction and grief.  God does that.  Sometimes people want to say, “No – God does not cause my suffering – He just allows it.”  But this verse is very clear that God causes it.  The Lord brings affliction and grief.  That is His decision – His plan.
However, verse 33 says He does not do it willingly (lit. “from the heart”).  In other words, He does not like doing it.  It is not His desire.  It is like you spanking your kids.  It is not your desire but it is your decision.
Now, back to John’s promise.  The promise is that we will receive whatever we ask for in prayer.  He repeats that same promise in chapter 5, but there he states what is only implied in chapter 3 – that it has to be according to God’s will.
1 John 5:14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

The way to clear up the confusion on this is simply to understand which kind of will he is talking about.  Is he saying we will get whatever we ask for as long as it is according to God’s desire?  No.  God does not even give Himself everything He desires.  It is not talking about His will of desire; it is talking about His will of decision, or plan.  If we ask for something that can fit into God’s perfect plan, then He will grant it.
A disappointment?
Does that strike you as a disappointment?  Is this like the fine print that makes the promise meaningless?  Kind of like God is saying, “I’ll give you absolutely anything you pray for (oh - except for 99% of the things you want”).  There are at least two reasons why this should not be a disappointment to us.
The possible
First, when God promises to answer all our prayers, but then the fine print says, “except for things that don’t fit into God’s perfect plan,” that is the same as saying, “I will answer all your prayers except for nonsense prayers.”  We would not expect God to answer nonsense prayers, right?  If you said, “Dear God, please, please doorknob, Corn Flakes, pushing to the limit starlight and mules for 16 minutes underneath 25 purple and green presidential elections – please!”  If you made a request like that, would you expect God to say yes?  There is nothing to say yes to, because the request is without any meaning.  It is just nonsensical misuse of language.
And asking God to do something outside His perfect plan is just as nonsensical.  And here is why: Is God perfect? (Yes.)  Would it be possible for God to do something that was not perfect? (No.)  So when I pray for God to do something outside of His perfect plan – something that would not ultimately be the best thing, I am praying for the impossible.  I am praying nonsense.  Because praying for God to do something other than what is best would be to pray for God to make a mistake.  That is like praying for God to become a liar or to get confused or to commit sin.  It is nonsense, because if God were capable of doing any of that He would not be God.
It is impossible for God to make a mistake.  Which means, when Jesus said, “If it be Your will” (if it can fit into Your plan) that was exactly the same as saying “If it be possible.”  “If it be Your will” = “If it be possible”  If there is no way a request can fit into God’s perfect plan, then that request is impossible because it would require God to make a mistake.  (Because anything other than God’s perfect plan is a mistake.)  And you can see that by comparing Luke’s account of Jesus’ prayer in the Garden with Matthew’s.

Luke 22:42 Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me

Matthew 26:39 My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. 

“If You are willing” and “If it is possible” are exactly the same thing.

Matthew 26:42 He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."

Now remember – this is the will of God’s plan, not the will of God’s desire.  Is it possible for God to do things that go against what He desires?  Yes.  But is it possible for Him to do something outside of His perfect plan?  No.  So praying for God to step outside of His plan is like praying for a square circle or a married bachelor, or that prayer I mentioned a minute ago with all the random words that had no meaning – it is nonsense.  Praying for God to make a mistake is nonsense.  So it should not be too much of a disappointment when we see the promise that God will answer all our prayers, and then the fine print say, “Oh, except for nonsense prayers when you pray for God to make a mistake, because it is impossible for God to make a mistake.”
Treasuring God’s plan
So that is the first reason why the fine print should not be a disappointment to us.  But on top of that there is a second reason why this should not disappoint us.  And that is the simple fact that God’s perfect plan is…(are you ready for this?) … a perfect plan!  God has a plan that He decided on before the foundation of the world.  It is what He has decided to do – His will of decision.  And if it is true that God is perfectly good and infinitely wise and powerful, then that plan is the best of all possible scenarios.
As Christians, if there is one thing that is true about us it is this – we love God and we trust God, right?  That is the essence of what it means to be a Christian – to love Him and trust Him.  And so if we love Him and trust Him, what could be more delightful to us than His perfect plan?  If you love God and trust God you will have an attitude that treasures His plan above all.  If you believe the Bible at all, and if you trust God at all, and if you have any love for Him at all, then you would never say, “God, please do this thing even if it is contrary to Your perfect plan.”  If you truly believe that His perfect plan is best, why would you want anything else?
The perfect example of that, of course, is Jesus.  Jesus taught us how to treasure God’s perfect plan above all.  Look at His prayer one more time:

Luke 22:42 Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.

Jesus was saying, “If there is any way to fit My request into Your perfect plan, please do so.  But if there is no way, then I desire Your perfect plan more than I desire this thing I’m requesting.”
And if you pray that way then you will always get what you want the most.  If what you want the most is God’s perfect plan, and God is guaranteed to always carry out His perfect plan, then you always get what you want the most.  And if there is ever a moment when you want your request more than you want God’s perfect plan; if you think this thing you are requesting would be better than God’s perfect plan, then obviously you trust your own judgment more than you trust God’s.  And if you do not trust God then you do not have faith.  And God does not answer prayers that are devoid of faith.

But won’t He just do His plan anyway?
So the promise to give us whatever we ask for in prayer is limited to the realm of God’s perfect plan.  But that brings up another question.  If it is impossible for God to do anything outside of His perfect plan, why pray at all?  If He cannot step outside of His plan, then He is going to do what He is going to do regardless of what we pray for – right?  So why pray?
Some answer that question by saying, “The reason we pray is not to change what God is going to do, but rather to get ourselves in line with His will.”  That sounds good at first, but it is not a biblical answer.  Scripture is very clear that prayer does change what God is going to do.  Many times in Scripture God was going to do one thing, then someone prayed, and in response to that God did something other than what He was originally going to do.  Prayer is not just to align your heart with what God is already going to do.  Prayer has an effect on what God decides to do. 

James 5:16 The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Prayer works!
But how can that be?  If God never departs from His perfect plan, how can prayer have any effect at all?  The answer is, it is very often God’s perfect plan to do one thing if we pray and a different thing if we fail to pray.  It might be God’s plan to send someone to hell for eternity if you fail to pray for him, but for him to be saved if you do pray for him.  Over and over in Scripture we read that we are to pray for a certain thing so that that thing will happen.  Not so that we will get our hearts ready for what was already going to happen, but so that what was already going to happen won’t happen and something else will happen instead.
When Joshua prayed for the sun to stand still, it happened.  “But wouldn’t that have happened anyway?”  No.  We know it would not have happened had Joshua not prayed, because Joshua 10:14 says it was because of the prayer.  It says that was the day God listened to a man.  That means God did what He did in response to Joshua’s prayer.
When Manasseh was taken prisoner he prayed.

2 Chronicles 33:12-13  In his distress he sought the favor of the LORD …13 And when he prayed to him, the LORD was moved by his entreaty and listened to his plea; so he brought him back to Jerusalem 

Scripture could not be more clear that prayer moves God.
God will never, ever do anything that does not fit into His perfect plan.  However from our perspective God does not want us to be fatalists.  He wants us to realize that at this point in time things in the future can still go one way or the other way depending upon our prayers.  And it is not a small matter which way they go.  It is not a situation where God controls the really big things Himself, but He lets us have influence with regard to the minor, unimportant things.  There are people who will spend eternity either in heaven or in hell based on how we pray.  There are missionaries whose work will succeed or fail based on how we pray.  Sick people who will live or die, churches that will flourish or shut down, relationships that will be healed or destroyed, Christians that will persevere or give up – all based on how we pray.  And I know some of you probably choke on some of that.  It is hard to imagine God letting such huge things be determined by anything we do.  And it is scary to consider the amount of responsibility that places on our shoulders.  And it is hard to understand the paradox of how those things could be in our hands and yet God is still totally sovereign and in control of all of it.  He does not give up control to us – He remains in total control.  It is beyond understanding how all that fits together.  But what we can understand is this – if it is true that prayer works, then it must also be true that prayerlessness does not work.  If God would do all the same things whether or not we pray, then prayer does not do anything.  But we know it does, so if we are not praying like people’s lives depend on it, we do not understand prayer.

Within His plan we get whatever we ask for
OK, so with all that background now we are ready to appreciate John’s promise.  The promise is that we receive whatever we ask for in prayer.  That “whatever” does not include evil, or nonsense, or impossible things.  So what does it include?  What comfort do we get from this “whatever”?
No limit on how much
Well, for one thing it gives us total freedom in what we request of God.  There are no limitations on how much we can ask for.  There is nothing too big, nothing too costly, nothing to grandiose.  You can ask God for anything your heart desires.  And there are no limits to how much God will give you – none.  There is a limit on the bottom end – to how little He will give you.  If you pray for less than zero, He will say no.  He will not give you garbage, He will not give you that which will harm you, but on the top end, when it comes to true riches and blessings and things that will bring true joy, there is no limit.

Romans 8:32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

What could you possibly ask God for that would be too big?  When my kids ask me for things sometimes I say no because they are asking for something that would not be good for them.  Other times I say no because even though they are asking for a good thing, I can’t afford it.  God sometimes says no for the first reason, but never for that second reason.  When He gave us His own Son He showed us that nothing is too expensive.
No doubt the angels sometimes scratch their heads wondering why we humans ask God for such teeny, tiny little things.  They probably hear our prayers and think, “Don’t they know who they’re talking to?”  Bill Gates says, “I want to be generous to you in accordance with my riches – so ask me anything” – but you don’t ask him for a nickel.
And if you do not know for sure if you are asking for treasures or for garbage – you do not know if this thing you want can fit into God’s perfect plan – just do what Jesus did.  Make your request and then say, “I only want this if it can fit into Your perfect plan.  If it can’t, then not my will but Yours be done, because I desire Your plan more than my own.”

The Condition
So those are the two promises.  We will have confidence to come boldly before God and feel comfortable and confident in His presence, and we will receive whatever we ask for that is not nonsense.  Two big-league promises.  But they are not automatic – there is a condition.
Other conditions in Scripture for answered prayer
And that should not come to us as any big surprise, because Scripture frequently places conditions upon answered prayer.  Before we look at the one John gives here, let me just remind you of some of the others in Scripture.

Prayer
The first condition for answered prayer is… prayer.  That may sound like a joke, but it’s not.

James 4:2 You do not have, because you do not ask God.

The biggest hindrance to getting our prayers answered is our failure to get our prayers asked.

Matthew 7:7 Ask and it will be given to you
Persistence 
And not just asking once, but persisting in prayer.

Luke 18:1 Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. 

And He went on to tell the parable of the unjust judge, who finally gave the widow justice only because of her persistence.  And if an unjust judge will do that, how much more will God?  He told a similar parable in Luke 11 in which a persistent neighbor finally gets what he asks for because of his boldness in asking.  So we are to be persistent. 

Faith
A third requirement for answered prayer is faith.

James 1:5-6 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God … and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt

Faith in prayer is not convincing yourself that God will say yes to your request.  Faith in prayer is being so close to God that you trust Him with the whole matter.

Wholehearted seeking
A fourth requirement is earnestness and wholeheartedness. 

Jeremiah 29:12 you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

We need to pray hard.

Non-adulterous motive
Another requirement for answered pray is one people often miss, but it is very important.

James 4:3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures

Your pleasures refers to anything that you think you need besides nearness to God to be happy.  When you think you cannot be happy unless your husband changes or you get a better job or you get married or you get healed or whatever - anytime you look to something besides God for your joy that is what James means by “your pleasures.”  And when you pray for those things, God will say no.  For God to answer our prayers we must ask for things that have the purpose of glorifying God or for the purpose of drawing nearer to God.

Righteousness
And then sixth (and this is the most common one in Scripture), righteousness. 

James 5:16 The prayer of a righteous man is powerful in its working 

Psalm 34:15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry; …16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil

Psalm 145:19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.

Proverbs 28:9 If anyone turns a deaf ear to the law, even his prayers are detestable.

Psalm 66:18 If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.

Proverbs 15:29 The LORD is far from the wicked but he hears the prayer of the righteous.
Proverbs 15:8 The LORD detests the sacrifice of the wicked, but the prayer of the upright pleases him.

If you do not listen to Him, He will not listen to you.  God requires obedience and righteousness in order for our prayers to be heard.
Especially love
And the most important expression of righteousness is love. 

Proverbs 21:13 If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered.

1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives …, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Isaiah 58:7 share your food with the hungry …9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer
No self-condemnation 
So those are some of the conditions we find in Scripture for answered prayer.  And on top of all those John adds another one here in verse 21.

21 Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God 22 and receive from him anything we ask 

If you want these promises then you cannot be locked up in self-condemnation.  If you want freedom before God and if you want your prayers to be answered, then you have to have full confidence that God is pleased with you.  And we saw last time that you overcome the problem of self-condemnation by convincing your heart that God is greater than your heart, and what He says in the Bible about how pleased He is with His children trumps the way your heart feels.  If you are a Christian then you are in tight with God and He is pleased with you because of your love for His people.
God does not want us to appear before Him in prayer without confidence and boldness.  He wants us to behave as His children.  He wants us to behave as though we were approaching a merciful, kind, generous, loving, gentle, forgiving Father.  He does not want us to approach Him as though He were some kind of mean, heartless ogre.  He does not want us to approach Him as though He were some distant, detached, uncaring father.  He wants us to approach Him in a way that accurately reflects what He is like toward His children, not in a way that lies about what He is like.  So if we approach Him with the boldness of a child to his father, God will be inclined to answer our prayers.  That is the condition.

Reason 
So, the promise – freedom before God and answered prayer.  The condition for receiving that promise – conquer the problem of self-condemnation.  Now one last point – and this is the real crux of the matter.  In verse 23 John gives us the reason why that works.
Why does obedience result in increased answers to prayer?
22 (we) receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. 
We found out last time that the way to address the problem of self-condemnation is to look for the proof of your salvation, because the proof of your salvation is the very fruit that is also what makes God so pleased with you – obedience to His commands.  So you look at your life and say, “Do I see obedience?  Do I love the people of God?”  And if the answer is yes, then #1 that gives you confidence that you are truly saved, #2 it gives you confidence that God is pleased with you, so you do not have to engage in self-condemnation, and #3 it gives you confidence in prayer, because as we see so often in Scripture, God especially listens to the prayers of those who obey Him by loving His people. 
“Isn’t that kind of a works system – where we earn favor with God by doing good deeds?”  Do we put God in debt to us when we are righteous, so that He owes us a favor?  No.  Prayer is an expression of neediness, not resourcefulness.  We have nothing to offer God except our empty cups that He can glorify Himself by generously filling. 

It removes the only hindrance 
So why are the promises of answered prayer tied to obedience and righteousness?  The most obvious answer is this: It is because disobedience and unrighteousness interfere with God’s free flow of blessing and favor.  When we sin we are asking God for chastisement.  If you have children this is easy to understand.  You love your kids and you are naturally inclined to try to make them happy and to do wonderful things for them.  And so you plan some great thing that will really make them happy.  And the day before your big event, they are tempted to be disobedient to you and to lie to you.  And you see it coming, and in your heart you are thinking, “Oh no – I was so looking forward to giving you this big gift.  I was so looking forward to seeing your smiles and hearing you laugh.  Please do not do something that will force me to cancel this event and punish you!”
That is the heart of God toward you.  He sees you gravitating toward some temptation and says, “Oh, no – what I have planned for you for tomorrow is so wonderful.  It would make you so happy.  I was so looking forward to hearing you laugh.  Don’t!  Don’t spoil it.  Don’t force Me to remove it from My plan for you for tomorrow.”
The reason God loves to answer our prayers when we are righteous is not because we have earned something.  The reason is because He loves you so much that He is naturally inclined to shower you with gifts and to satisfy your desires in wonderful ways.

Psalm 84:11 the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

And when you refrain from disobedience, He is free to do that without restraint. 

He loves helping you love
So that is probably the most basic reason why God answers our prayers when we are obedient.  But more specifically, John ties it to love.  The summary of obeying God is loving the people He loves because He loves them.  And understanding that makes it even more obvious why God is so inclined to answer our prayers when we are obedient.  The reason God answers your prayers when you are obedient is because God loves helping you love.
If your child comes to you and says, “Mom, could you help me for a few minutes?”  
“Why?  What do you need?”  
“Well, I’m trying to do something special for my sister.  She hates cleaning her room, and so I wanted to surprise her by having it clean for her when she gets home from school today.  But there are a few things I don’t know where they go, so could you help me finish?”
OK, now imagine this.  Your teenager comes to you and says, “Hey dad, can you give me some money so I can get a hotel and get away from this lame-o family for a couple days?”  Can you see how you would be more inclined to say yes to the first request than the second?  The first request is, “Please help me love my sister.”  The second request is, “Please help me be selfish.”  God is inclined to say yes to the first and no to the second.

Love loves loving
The thing about love is, love loves to be loving.  If you really love someone in your heart, you enjoy expressing that love.  It brings you pleasure to make that person happy.  In fact, if you love them more than you love yourself it brings you more pleasure to make them happy then it does to make yourself happy.  Because love loves loving. 
And so if prayer is the expression of desire, and you truly love someone – what will your prayers be like?  What will your deep desires be?  They will be, “Dear God, help me in my efforts to make this person happy.  I am trying to do something good for this person – help me.  Give me the resources to bless this person I love with wonderful blessings.  Lord, when you shower down Your favor and blessing on this person, I want to be Your delivery method.  Let it come through me, because I love loving this person.”  And God says, “When you pray like that I am all ears.”
Prayer is the expression of a desire.  And so the key to improving your prayer life is to improve your desires.  And the desires you have when there is love in your heart are the best kinds of desires, because they match the desires of God.

Conclusion
Imagine that you were the head of an organization that existed for the purpose of reducing the number of abortions in the United States.  You have received billions of dollars in grants, so money is no object.  And so you hire a whole army of employees to work on this project.  And one day an employee comes to you and says, “I need money to do an advertising campaign for this effort.”  And you say, “You got it – anything that helps further this effort.”  And you give him even more money than he asked for.  Another employee comes and says, “I need money to start a crisis pregnancy center.”  “You got it – anything that helps further this effort.”  Then another employee comes and says, “I need money for a burger and fries?”
“Burger and fries?”
“Uh, yeah, and a shake.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m going to attend a seminar that will help me with counseling pregnant women, and I have to buy lunch because it’s an all-day seminar.”
“You got it – anything that helps further the effort in any way.”
You would happily fund all of that, and you would do all you can to make sure your employees were not bashful about coming to you and asking.  Because if something hinders them from coming to you and asking for funding, they would not do it and that will hinder your overall project.
But what would you say if an employee came and said, “I need some money for a new car.”
“Why? How does that help the effort?”
“Oh, it doesn’t have anything to do with the abortion thing.  I’m just sick of having a green car, and I think I’d like to try out red.”
What are you going to say?
“No – that’s not what that money is for.”
God has a big project going.  It is called His will (or His plan).  And the way it is accomplished is mainly through love.  He has taken us on to work for Him in this project.  And if we come to Him saying, “Dear God, I need some resources to help me love Your people,” if giving you the resources will help further His causes, there is no limit to how much He will give.  But when our prayers drift off the point – drift away from love for God and His people, what would be the point in answering that prayer?  Let’s strive to re-center our lives on love for God and His people, so that when we express the desires of our hearts in prayer those desires are all about God’s will – loving Him and His people.  And let’s strive to overcome the problem of self-condemnation so that nothing will hinder us from coming to the Lord and asking for the resources we need to love His people.

Benediction: Php.1:9-11 And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10 so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, 11 filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ--to the glory and praise of God

Devotionals
Day 1 – confidence before God

21 Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God

The first promise John offers us is confidence before God in prayer.  That word means to be able to speak freely.  To be comfortable and at ease before God so that you can freely pour out whatever is on your heart.  When your conscience is not clear, and you do not have a sense that God is pleased with you, that hinders your ability to speak freely before God.
Usually when we drift away from God and fall into sin, we do not want to talk to God or even think about Him.  The way back to Him is through repentance, and true repentance is painful, and so we are tempted to just put it out of our minds and get on with our day.  And when we do that what we are saying is, “I’m content to remain at odds with God.  I’m fine with staying at arm’s length for a little while.  I don’t have the time or energy right now to deal with repentance.”
Have you ever been in that kind of mentality, and then something comes up that makes you want to cry out to God for help, but you are reluctant because you are not really very close with Him?  You are sort of postponing dealing with some sin and then all of the sudden the phone rings and it is the doctor with the cancer test results.  And your first impulse is to think, “Oh dear God, please let the test be negative!”  But then you realize – “Oh, I’ve been holding God at arm’s length.  I’m not really in a position to be asking for special blessings right now.  I’ve sinned against Him and haven’t really repented and I’ve been content to just be distant from Him for now.”  You feel like if you are going to go before God in prayer you should begin by dealing with your sin and not with asking for favors.
It is a horrible feeling to have the sense that you are not free to ask anything of God because of alienation from Him or because of a guilty conscience.  And the first of the two incentives that God places before us in this text is the amazing privilege of being able to speak freely before Him – to have confidence before Him, so that you do not have to hesitate to come boldly into His presence and ask for whatever is on your heart.  That is huge.  That is a big time, heavyweight, major league kind of promise.
And you can have that if your heart does not condemn you.
Father, examine my heart. If there is some sinful thing in me that will hinder my relationship to You, give me a repentant heart and establish a righteousness within my heart, an attitude that pleases You. Forgive my sin and cleanse me. Give me a clean heart and pure hands and restore a right heart within me, a heart that pleases You.
Day 2 Answered Prayer
21 … we have confidence before God 22 and receive from him anything we ask

Does this mean you get everything you ask for in prayer?  Who would even want that?  Wouldn’t that be more of a curse than a blessing?  We constantly ask for things that would be terrible to get.  And it is God’s mercy and love and kindness to us that says “no” to those prayers.
So what on earth does John mean when he says that we receive whatever we ask for in prayer?  How extensive is that word, “whatever”?  Did John intend that in an absolute sense – absolutely anything you ask for you get?
Given what we know from John, should we assume that he meant the term “whatever” to include even bad things?  If I pray for God to do something wrong – something evil – something contrary to His nature, will He do it?  Obviously not.  I think we are safe in assuming that John is not suggesting that God could cease to be God - which is exactly what He would have to do if He were to grant our requests when we ask for things that are not what is best.
But what about when we are praying for something we know for sure is God’s will?  One part of the answer to that lies in understanding the word “will.”  That word is used more than one way in the Bible.  1 Peter 3:9 says it is not God’s will that anyone should perish. 

1 Samuel 2:25 [Eli’s] sons did not listen … for it was the LORD's will to put them to death.

God did not grant them repentant hearts because it was his will for them to perish.  So how can Peter say it is not God’s will for anyone to perish and yet Samuel says it was God’s will for Eli’s sons to perish?
Desire and Decision
Obviously the word “will” is being used in two different ways.  Sometimes that word refers to the decision-making faculty and other times it refers to desire.  The reason the Bible can say something is God’s will and is not God’s will at the same time is because some things are God’s desire that are not His decision.  What God desires and what He decides to do are not always the same.  God does not desire that any should perish.  But He does decide to allow many (in fact, most) to perish.  Whenever you see a passage of Scripture that speaks of God’s will, try filling in the word “desire” and then try filling in the word “decision” or “plan” and see which one is called for by the context.
When your child disobeys, is it your will to punish him?  Yes and no.  It is not your desire, in the sense that it is something you enjoy.  So if you are speaking of the will of desire then the answer is no, it is not your will to punish him.  But if you are speaking of the will of decision or plan, then the answer may be yes.  You may very well decide to punish him because you know it is best for your child – even though you don’t enjoy doing so.  God is the same way.

Lamentations 3:32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. 33 For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.

He brings affliction and grief.  God does that.  Sometimes people want to say, “No – God doesn’t cause my suffering – He just allows it.”  But this verse is very clear that God causes it.  The Lord brings affliction and grief.  That is His decision – His plan.
However, verse 33 says He does not do it willingly (lit. “from the heart”).  In other words, He does not like doing it.  It is not His desire.  It is like you spanking your kids.  It is not your desire but it is your decision.
Now, back to John’s promise.  The promise is that we will receive whatever we ask for in prayer.  He repeats that same promise in chapter 5, but there he states what is only implied in chapter 3 – that it has to be according to God’s will.

1 John 5:14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

The way to clear up the confusion on this is simply to understand which kind of will he is talking about.  Is he saying we will get whatever we ask for as long as it is according to God’s desire?  No. God doesn’t even give Himself everything He desires.  It is not talking about His will of desire; it is talking about His will of decision, or plan.  If we ask for something that can fit into God’s perfect plan, then He will grant it.
Precious Lord, let my prayers be in accordance with your will. May my desires be in line with Yours, and where they are not, change my request and make it fit your perfect plan. Give me your heart in each matter I bring before You and help me to see Your will. Answer my prayers according to your will, Lord I pray. 

Day 3  Treasuring God’s plan
So that is the first reason why the fine print should not be a disappointment to us.  But on top of that there is a second reason why this should not disappoint us.  And that is the simple fact that God’s perfect plan is… (are you ready for this?) … a perfect plan!  God has a plan that He decided on before the foundation of the world.  It is what He has decided to do – His will of decision.   And if it is true that God is perfectly good and infinitely wise and powerful, then that plan is the best of all possible scenarios.
As Christians, if there is one thing that is true about us it is this – we love God and we trust God, right?  That is the essence of what it means to be a Christian – to love Him and trust Him.  So if we love Him and trust Him, what could be more delightful to us than His perfect plan?  If you love God and trust God you will have an attitude that treasures His plan above all.  If you believe the Bible at all, and if you trust God at all, and if you have any love for Him at all, then you would never say, “God, please do this thing even if it is contrary to Your perfect plan.”  If you truly believe that His perfect plan is best, why would you want anything else?
The perfect example of that, of course, is Jesus.  Jesus taught us how to treasure God’s perfect plan above all.  Look at His prayer one more time:

Luke 22:42 Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.

Jesus was saying, “If there is any way to fit My request into Your perfect plan, please do so.  But if there is no way, then I desire Your perfect plan more than I desire this thing I’m requesting.”
And if you pray that way then you will always get what you want the most.  If what you want the most is God’s perfect plan, and God is guaranteed to always carry out His perfect plan, then you always get what you want the most.  And if there is ever a moment when you want your request more than you want God’s perfect plan; if you think this thing you are requesting would be better than God’s perfect plan, then obviously you trust your own judgment more than you trust God’s.  And if you do not trust God then you do not have faith.  And God does not answer prayers that are devoid of faith.
So the promise to give us whatever we ask for in prayer is limited to the realm of God’s perfect plan.  But that brings up another question.  If it is impossible for God to do anything outside of His perfect plan, why pray at all?  If He cannot step outside of His plan, then He is going to do what He is going to do regardless of what we pray for – right?  So why pray?
Some answer that question by saying, “The reason we pray is not to change what God is going to do, but rather to get ourselves in line with His will.”  That sounds good at first, but it is not a biblical answer.  Scripture is very clear that prayer does change what God is going to do.  Many times in Scripture God was going to do one thing, then someone prayed, and in response to that God did something other than what He was originally going to do.  Prayer is not just to align your heart with what God is already going to do.  Prayer has an effect on what God decides to do. 

James 5:16 The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Prayer works!
But how can that be?  If God never departs from His perfect plan, how can prayer have any effect at all?  The answer is, it is very often God’s perfect plan to do one thing if we pray and a different thing if we fail to pray.  It might be God’s plan to send someone to hell for eternity if you fail to pray for him, but for him to be saved if you do pray for him.  Over and over in Scripture we read that we are to pray for a certain thing so that that thing will happen.  Not so that we will get our hearts ready for what was already going to happen, but so that what was already going to happen will not happen and something else will happen instead.
When Joshua prayed for the sun to stand still, it happened.  “But wouldn’t that have happened anyway?”  No.  We know it wouldn’t have happened had Joshua not prayed, because Joshua 10:14 says it was because of the prayer.  It says that was the day God listened to a man.  That means God did what He did in response to Joshua’s prayer.
When Manasseh was taken prisoner he prayed.

2 Chronicles 33:12-13  In his distress he sought the favor of the LORD …13 And when he prayed to him, the LORD was moved by his entreaty and listened to his plea; so he brought him back to Jerusalem 

Scripture could not be more clear that prayer moves God.
God will never, ever do anything that does not fit into His perfect plan.  However from our perspective God does not want us to be fatalists.  He wants us to realize that at this point in time things in the future can still go one way or the other way depending upon our prayers.  And it is not a small matter which way they go.  It is not a situation where God controls the really big things Himself, but He lets us have influence with regard to the minor, unimportant things.  There are people who will spend eternity either in heaven or in hell based on how we pray.  There are missionaries whose work will succeed or fail based on how we pray.  Sick people who will live or die, churches that will flourish or shut down, relationships that will be healed or destroyed, Christians that will persevere or give up – all based on how we pray.  And I know some of you probably choke on some of that.  It is hard to imagine God letting such huge things be determined by anything we do.  And it is scary to consider the amount of responsibility that places on our shoulders.  And it is hard to understand the paradox of how those things could be in our hands and yet God is still totally sovereign and in control of all of it.  He does not give up control to us – He remains in total control.  It is beyond understanding how all that fits together.  But what we can understand is this – if it is true that prayer works, then it must also be true that prayerlessness does not work.  If God would do all the same things whether or not we pray, then prayer does not do anything.  But we know it does.  And so if we are not praying like people’s lives depend on it, we do not understand prayer.
So what comfort do we get from John’s “whatever”?  For one thing it gives us total freedom in what we request of God.  There are no limitations on how much we can ask for.  There is nothing too big, nothing too costly, nothing to grandiose.  You can ask God for anything your heart desires.  And there are no limits to how much God will give you – none.  There is a limit on the bottom end – to how little He will give you.  If you pray for less than zero, He will say no.  He will not give you garbage, He will not give you that which will harm you, but on the top end, when it comes to true riches and blessings and things that will bring true joy, there is no limit.

Romans 8:32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

What could you possibly ask God for that would be too big?  When my kids ask me for things sometimes I say no because they are asking for something that would not be good for them.  Other times I say no because even though they are asking for a good thing, I can’t afford it.  God sometimes says no for the first reason, but never for that second reason.  When He gave us His own Son He showed us that nothing is too expensive.
No doubt the angels sometimes scratch their heads wondering why we humans ask God for such teeny, tiny little things.  They probably hear our prayers and think, “Don’t they know who they’re talking to?”  Bill Gates says, “I want to be generous to you in accordance with my riches – so ask me anything” – but you don’t ask him for a nickel. 
And if you do not know for sure if you are asking for treasures or for garbage – you do not know if this thing you want can fit into God’s perfect plan – just do what Jesus did.  Make your request and then say, “I only want this if it can fit into Your perfect plan.  If it can’t, then not my will but Yours be done, because I desire Your plan more than my own.”
Thank you Father, that  you are perfectly good and infinitely wise and powerful. Help me to remember this, Lord so that I will love You more and trust You with every detail of my life. Help me to trust You to answer my requests in the way that will be best for me and most glorify You. Lord, help me not to ask for foolish things, but to ask only for what fits into Your perfect plan. Let my desires be Your desires. Give me the boldness and faith to ask for things however great they may be and not to be afraid or doubtful in my requests.

Day 4 The Condition
So those are the two promises.  We will have confidence to come boldly before God and feel comfortable and confident in His presence, and we will receive whatever we ask for that is not nonsense.  Two big-league promises.  But they are not automatic – there is a condition.
And that should not come to us as any big surprise, because Scripture frequently places conditions upon answered prayer.  Before we look at the one John gives here, let me just remind you of some of the others in Scripture.

Prayer
The first condition for answered prayer is… prayer.  That may sound like a joke, but it is not.

James 4:2 You do not have, because you do not ask God.

The biggest hindrance to getting our prayers answered is our failure to get our prayers asked.

Matthew 7:7 Ask and it will be given to you

Persistence 
And not just asking once, but persisting in prayer.

Luke 18:1 Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. 

And He went on to tell the parable of the unjust judge, who finally gave the widow justice only because of her persistence.  And if an unjust judge will do that, how much more will God?  He told a similar parable in Luke 11 in which a persistent neighbor finally gets what he asks for because of his boldness in asking.  So we are to be persistent. 

Faith
A third requirement for answered prayer is faith.

James 1:5-6 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God … and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt

Faith in prayer is not convincing yourself that God will say yes to your request.  Faith in prayer is being so close to God that you trust Him with the whole matter.

Wholehearted seeking
A fourth requirement is earnestness and wholeheartedness. 

Jeremiah 29:12 you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

We need to pray hard.

Non-adulterous motive
Another requirement for answered pray is one people often miss, but it is very important. 

James 4:3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures

Your pleasures refers to anything that you think you need besides nearness to God to be happy.  When you think you cannot be happy unless your husband changes or you get a better job or you get married or you get healed or whatever… - anytime you look to something besides God for your joy, that is what James means by “your pleasures.”  And when you pray for those things, God will say no.  For God to answer our prayers we must ask for things that have the purpose of glorifying God or for the purpose of drawing nearer to God.

Righteousness
And then sixth (and this is the most common one in Scripture), righteousness. 

James 5:16 The prayer of a righteous man is powerful in its working 

Psalm 34:15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry; …16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil

Psalm 145:19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.

Proverbs 28:9 If anyone turns a deaf ear to the law, even his prayers are detestable.

Psalm 66:18 If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.

Proverbs 15:29 The LORD is far from the wicked but he hears the prayer of the righteous.

Proverbs 15:8 The LORD detests the sacrifice of the wicked, but the prayer of the upright pleases him.

If you do not listen to Him, He will not listen to you.  God requires obedience and righteousness in order for our prayers to be heard.
Especially love
And the most important expression of righteousness is love.

Proverbs 21:13 If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered.

1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives …, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Isaiah 58:7 share your food with the hungry …9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer
No self-condemnation 
So those are some of the conditions we find in Scripture for answered prayer.  And on top of all those John adds another one here in verse 21.

21 Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God 22 and receive from him anything we ask 

If you want these promises then you cannot be locked up in self-condemnation.  If you want freedom before God and if you want your prayers to be answered, then you have to have full confidence that God is pleased with you.  And we saw last time that you overcome the problem of self-condemnation by convincing your heart that God is greater than your heart, and what He says in the Bible about how pleased He is with His children trumps the way your heart feels.  If you are a Christian then you are in tight with God and He is pleased with you because of your love for His people.
God does not want us to appear before Him in prayer without confidence and boldness.  He wants us to behave as His children.  He wants us to behave as though we were approaching a merciful, kind, generous, loving, gentle, forgiving Father.  He does not want us to approach Him as though He were some kind of mean, heartless ogre.  He does not want us to approach Him as though He were some distant, detached, uncaring father.  He wants us to approach Him in a way that accurately reflects what He is like toward His children, not in a way that lies about what He is like.  So if we approach Him with the boldness of a child to his father, God will be inclined to answer our prayers.  That is the condition.
Lord, give me the persistence in prayer that I should have. Teach me to love the time I spend with You. Draw me close to You and increase my faith. Create in me a righteousness that pleases You. Lord, I know that you are a merciful, kind, generous, loving, gentle forgiving Father, and so I can come to you boldly with my requests. Make my requests fit into Your holy plan. 

Day 5 The Reason 
So, the promise – freedom before God and answered prayer.  The condition for receiving that promise – conquer the problem of self-condemnation.  Now one last point – and this is the real crux of the matter.  In verse 23 John gives us the reason why that works.  Why does God answer our prayers more when we are not condemning ourselves?

22 (we) receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. 

We found out last time that the way to address the problem of self-condemnation is to look for the proof of your salvation, because the proof of your salvation is the very fruit that is also what makes God so pleased with you – obedience to His commands.  So you look at your life and say, “Do I see obedience?  Do I love the people of God?”  And if the answer is yes, then #1 that gives you confidence that you are truly saved, #2 it gives you confidence that God is pleased with you, so you don’t have to engage in self-condemnation, and #3 it gives you confidence in prayer, because as we see so often in Scripture, God especially listens to the prayers of those who obey Him by loving His people. 
“Isn’t that kind of a works system – where we earn favor with God by doing good deeds?”  Do we put God in debt to us when we are righteous, so that He owes us a favor?  No.  Prayer is an expression of neediness, not resourcefulness.  We have nothing to offer God except our empty cups that He can glorify Himself by generously filling. 
So why are the promises of answered prayer tied to obedience and righteousness?  The most obvious answer is this: It is because disobedience and unrighteousness interfere with God’s free flow of blessing and favor.  When we sin we are asking God for chastisement.  If you have children this is easy to understand.  You love your kids and you are naturally inclined to try to make them happy and to do wonderful things for them.  And so you plan some great thing that will really make them happy.  And the day before your big event, they are tempted to be disobedient to you and to lie to you.  And you see it coming, and in your heart you’re thinking, “Oh no – I was so looking forward to giving you this big gift.  I was so looking forward to seeing your smiles and hearing you laugh.  Please don’t do something that will force me to cancel this event and punish you!” 
That is the heart of God toward you.  He sees you gravitating toward some temptation and says, “Oh no – what I have planned for you for tomorrow is so wonderful.  It would make you so happy.  I was so looking forward to hearing you laugh.  Don’t!  Don’t spoil it.  Don’t force Me to remove it from My plan for you for tomorrow.”
The reason God loves to answer our prayers when we are righteous is not because we have earned something.  The reason is because He loves you so much that He is naturally inclined to shower you with gifts and to satisfy your desires in wonderful ways.

Psalm 84:11 the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

And when you refrain from disobedience, He is free to do that without restraint. 
So that is probably the most basic reason why God answers our prayers when we are obedient.  But more specifically, John ties it to love.  The summary of obeying God is loving the people He loves because He loves them.  And understanding that makes it even more obvious why God is so inclined to answer our prayers when we are obedient.   The reason God answers your prayers when you are obedient is because God loves helping you love.
If your child comes to you and says, “Mom, could you help me for a few minutes?”  
“Why? What do you need?”
“Well, I’m trying to do something special for my sister.  She hates cleaning her room, and so I wanted to surprise her by having it clean for her when she gets home from school today.  But there are a few things I don’t know where they go, so could you help me finish?”
OK, now imagine this.  Your teenager comes to you and says, “Hey dad, can you give me some money so I can get a hotel and get away from this lame-o family for a couple days?” 
Can you see how you would be more inclined to say yes to the first request than the second?  The first request is, “Please help me love my sister.”  The second request is, “Please help me be selfish.”  God is inclined to say yes to the first and no to the second.
The thing about love is, love loves to be loving.  If you really love someone in your heart, you enjoy expressing that love.  It brings you pleasure to make that person happy.  In fact, if you love them more than you love yourself it brings you more pleasure to make them happy then it does to make yourself happy.  Because love loves loving. 
And so if prayer is the expression of desire, and you truly love someone – what will your prayers be like?  What will your deep desires be?  They will be, “Dear God, help me in my efforts to make this person happy.  I am trying to do something good for this person – help me.  Give me the resources to bless this person I love with wonderful blessings.  Lord, when you shower down Your favor and blessing on this person, I want to be Your delivery method.  Let it come through me, because I love loving this person.”  And God says, “When you pray like that I am all ears.”
Prayer is the expression of a desire so the key to improving your prayer life is to improve your desires.  And the desires you have when there is love in your heart are the best kinds of desires, because they match the desires of God.